How to Repair After a Fight (with Jayson Gaddis)
In this episode I'm joined by Jayson Gaddis, author of Getting to Zero, to talk about how to repair after a fight with your wife or partner.
Truth-Telling & Boundaries
Telling the truth is a body skill before it is a communication skill. Most men hold something back not for lack of words but because saying it feels like losing something, so the throat tightens and the sentence gets edited on the way out. What arrives instead is hinting, or nagging, or nothing at all. Jason Lange teaches a version of this that is much smaller than most men expect. Name what you notice. Not your verdict and not your case, just the thing you are actually registering in the room, said out loud while it is still happening. That single sentence is most of what masculine leadership looks like in practice, and it is the same sentence a boundary gets built from.
If you found this page, you are probably carrying a conversation you have been rehearsing for months. "The Power in the Truth You're Not Telling" has Shana James and Jason on the posturing underneath the silence and what honesty does to desire. "Name What You Notice" is the practice itself. "Own Your Needs Without Being Needy" covers how to say the thing straight so the right people move toward you, and "Say the Damn Thing" uses improv to get you committing to a choice before you have vetted it. Episodes below.
Every Truth-Telling & Boundaries episode
The Power in the Truth You’re Not Telling (with Shana James)
You hold the truth back because saying it feels like losing power. Shana James and I get into the posturing underneath that, and what honesty actually does to desire.
Shadow Work for Accountability (with Luke Adler
Catharsis is the easy part. Dr. Luke Adler and I get into what has to come after the release, the repair it demands, and what it sounds like when your men call you forward.
Say the Damn Thing: Intuitive Expression for Men (with Benjamin Roth & Jeff Raab)
Improv makes you commit to a choice before you have vetted it. Benjamin Roth and Jeff Raab on getting out of your head, and why being bad at things is a capacity.
Shadow Work for When You Can’t Say What You Feel (with Luke Adler)
You know exactly what you feel and the words will not leave your body. Dr. Luke Adler and I get into the gap between knowing and saying, and how to shorten it.
Turbocharge Your Growth with Masculine Feedback
Somebody telling you about the spinach in your teeth is uncomfortable for eight seconds and useful for years. Carefrontation, and why your blind spots need other men to see them.
Own Your Needs Without Being Needy
Neediness is a need with urgency on it, delivered sideways through hinting or nagging. How to say the thing straight so the right people move toward you.
Why Men Fear Being Vulnerable in Relationship (with Luke Adler)
You were told to open up, you did it, and her reaction was not what you expected. Dr. Luke Adler and I on what happens when a man brings feeling into the room.
Leadership & Creating Shared Reality
Most conflict starts because two people are running different versions of the same situation. Making the implicit explicit is leadership, and it is also how safety gets built.
Integrity, Congruence, and Nice Guys
You can keep every promise you make and still be badly out of alignment inside. The difference between integrity and congruence, and why nice guys get caught right there.
Be a Lover Not a Lawyer
She tells you how something landed and you start quietly building your defense. What it takes to stay a lover in that moment instead of reaching for the case file.
Leading with Vulnerability
Vulnerability is authenticity plus risk, and without the risk it is just a weather report. What your partner is actually asking for, and how to bring it as leadership.
Name What You Notice
Naming what you notice out loud is most of what masculine leadership actually is. Why the simplest sentence in the room changes it, and how to practice saying it.
Surround Yourself With Men That Will Call You on Your Bullshit
Your self image is the last thing to update when your behavior starts slipping. Why you need men close enough to tune you up, and how to take it when they do.
How to Talk About Sex in a Way That Opens Her With Melanie Curtin
Melanie Curtin has surveyed thousands of women about what actually happens in bed. How to bring up sex in a way that opens her instead of closing the conversation.
WHEN LISTENING ISN’T ENOUGH
The work behind the podcast
Most of what Jason talks about here gets practiced somewhere else, with other men, over months. That’s what the programs are for.