Feel Her Don’t Fix Her

One of the greatest shifts we can make as men to support the women in our lives is a simple one that can require a significant reframe in how we approach relationship.

Masculine energy has many gifts, one of which is structure, or adding directionality to the world. We like to organize and reduce, always with the aim of brining more freedom – from problems, feelings, and life.

This manifests in how we relate to women in our lives. They may share with us with a complaint, problem, or situation, and most men almost immediately jump into “problem-solving” mode, trying to use logic and reason to methodically fix whatever it is.

For most women, be it in conversation or sex, connection is more important than the outcome. So when we as men immediately jump into fix it mode, we’re usually skipping past connection, and she may often get annoyed with us even though we’re actually trying to help!

This can be very confusing for us men, as our intentions are right. The key, like so much else when it comes to interacting with the feminine, is to SLOW DOWN.

Before you launch into fix it mode, take a few deep breaths and really try to FEEL her. Emotionally what’s going on for her? What might be below the surface of what she’s saying? If you get a sense, try sharing this feeling with her and see how it lands for her. If you don’t, try just asking! You may be surprised how she responds. Often times she may actually already know how to deal with whatever the issue is, and she really just wants to feel your presence, or to feel you tuned in and with her. Obviously this can be hard if like many guys you’re more often than not stuck up in your head and struggle getting into your feeling body, so do whatever it takes to get out of your head and remember, Feel Her Don’t Fix Her!

If you’d like to learn more about how to get more in touch with your emotional body in your own dating and relating life, reach out and let’s talk.


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