One of the most powerful ways to torpedo your life and wreck your well-being is one I’ve seen all too many men fall prey to (and certainly done myself), getting stuck in our heads.
So what’s that actually mean?
Being stuck in our heads mean our attention and thoughts are fused, and that we’re disconnected from our emotions and bodies. It’s a particularly easy thing for us men to do for a variety of cultural and evolutionary reasons we won’t get into here.
But know this, not knowing how to get out of your head will have a massive impact on your life.
It will *kill* attraction in your dating and relationship life
I’ve heard from women time and time again that one of the reasons they weren’t into a guy was because he was so “in his head”, and here’s the deal, when we’re in our heads fused with our thoughts, it’s usually because we’re pre-occupied with ourselves, and it’s actually quite self-centered. It means we’re not actually being present in the moment, and are instead usually trying to think of what to say next or about what we should have said before. This has a huge impact on the people we’re with, particularly with women. Most women can instantly feel it when a man is in his head and not actually with her, and it will often lead her to trust him less, consciously or not. Awkwardness, uncertainty, and anxiety are almost always sourced up in our heads, and the more aware we get of them they more they reinforce themselves, creating a vortex of thought loops that can drive us even further into our heads!
It can absolutely RUIN your sex life
Sex happens in the body, not in your head. Again, if you’re up in your head while in the bedroom, you are going to be LESS present to what your partner is actually experiencing in the moment, and much less likely to be attuned to her in ways she’ll find pleasurable.
Performance anxiety lives in our heads as well, be it premature ejaculation, difficulty getting an erection, or fear that we’re not pleasuring our partner. Without a doubt the more we think about it the worse it gets, again creating powerful thought loops that can derail meaningful sexual connection.
Fantasy also lives in our heads, be they fantasies of other partners or sexual acts seen in pornography. Truly meaningful sexual connection takes presence in your physical and emotional body, and is far more important than specific techniques or “how long you last”.
It’ll cause analysis paralysis and depression
Whether it’s getting hung up on an ex and thinking about her non-stop, descending into hopelessness about the direction of your life, or trying to “think” through every angle of a big decision can stop you in your tracks. Again, we get stuck in loops, often relating to what already happened in the past or fears about what might happen in the future. These thought loops often end up using so much of our time and energy they work to prevent us from dropping into our hearts and truly feeling what’s alive in our bodies.
So what’s the solution and why does it matter? In short, you must come down out of just being in your head into both your emotional and physical body, so you have presence in your heads, heart, and guts, all at the same time. The second you do that, your awareness expands to include not only what’s happening for you in the moment, but other’s as well. Flow, connection, and intuitive knowing are all sourced out of this energetic flow between these three centers of our being. When you do this, women will be more attracted to you, you’ll have better sex, and you’ll feel a deep rooted sense of direction and knowing about where your life is headed.
If you’re ready to learn how to get out of your head and into your heart and body when it comes to dating and relating, I have a few Discovery Session Calls open in the next few days. Together we’ll explore we’re you’re getting stuck and how it’s impacting you on a daily basis. If it feels like a good fit for us to work together, I’ll share more about my powerful transformational dating program for men. If not, you’ll have a much better roadmap for moving forward in your love life. Everyone wins.