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  1. Hi Jason, I began the psychedelic journey at the late age of 53 back in 2013. The first of many revelatory journeys. I had the allopathic approach that this would cure me and somehow transform me into a self mastered skilled person with healthy relational skills. I did not accept my role in my healing journey. Back then I knew very little and remained naïve of my roles. I saw a lot of early childhood trauma that I did not know how to process and get support with. Nevertheless I still believe in “medicine work” potential. I only wished that is somehow “flipped the switch” inside me and transformed me from a wounded person to a wounded healer. I have learned now that my core issues are not only my early childhood traumas as well as my unresolved and unmet needs as a child disguised as adult intimacy needs. But how essential it is for me to be able to self-regulate myself, when triggered by either inner or external events and return to a window of tolerance. I have such a longing to be healthy enough to merit platonic and romantic relationships. To be able to be triggered and re-regulate myself quickly and identify what is going on in me and not project that fear based shame or anger outward toward another either overtly or covertly. To be able to hold space for another and have empathy so the other person feels seen and heard. And in romantic relationships really show up and hold space for a woman no matter what she is going through. To be supportive in a healthy way and receive support in a healthy way. Where there is nurturing, safety, emotional and physical intimacy, fun and mutual caring and a mutual physical attraction and a growth toward love. Those seem available to others and not me. I wanted to explore psychedelics in an effort to fix what ever was wrong with me to make me enough. To make me worthy of being desired and to have the essential capacities of Clarity, Compassion, Creativity, Calmness, Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, and Connectedness. Just wanted to be connected to myself in a deep way and to then be open and available to connect with safe others.

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