Dear Men Podcast Archives - Evolutionary Men

How to Re-polarize and Bring the Spark Back to a Relationship That’s Gone Flat

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What happens when a long term relationship goes flat? You’re connecting, you’re friends, you get along, but there’s zero spark or erotic energy?

Almost all long term relationships have this problem at some point, and it’ll often fall into the bucket of either being a totally neutral relationship or even a reverse polarized one.

Melanie of the Dear Men Podcast and I break down this pattern, and what can be done to change course and bring the spark back to any relationship.

The Painful Relationship Pattern of Feeling Like Not Enough

Back with Melanie on the Dear Men Podcast to talk about one of the most painful patterns men can experience in relationship which centers around feeling like not being enough for our partners. In many hetereo relationships, the dance of “I’m not enough” felt by many men often collides with the feeling of “I’m too much” that’s often felt by women. In this episode we break down this pattern, share about where it’s shown up in our own relationships and those of our clients, and talk about steps to move beyond it.

How Your Job Can Make It Harder to Connect With Women

On this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, host Melanie Curtin and I discuss how what makes us great at certain professions can actually hinder our ability to connect with women or others in relationships. High intensity medical jobs, isolated and work from home coding jobs, and jobs with unpredictable schedules or high demand can impact our life in numerous ways.

Tune in now to learn how your job might be impacting your relationships, and what you can do about it!

I’m doing all things I’m supposed to do, and yet life feels flat!

Most men have their big list – the things they’ve felt they have to do to be successful or make it in life. Often a blend of career, finances, relationship, and family, we burn through life working to make all these things happen with the belief that once we’ve achieved them, some utopia will be awaiting us. Unfortunately that magic utopia never comes, and even though we’re doing all the things we thought would bring us satisfaction and happiness, our lives still feel flat or empty.

Tune into another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where Melanie Curtin and I discuss this dynamic we’ve seen in men and the path forward beyond it to true satisfaction!

Oh sh*t! I just realized I’m a nice guy, now what?

Nice guy syndrome is everywhere. More and more men are waking up to the myriad of ways we often put ourselves last, usually to the detriment of everyone around us.

In this episode of the Dear Men podcast, my coaching partner Melanie and I talk about the steps to take to move beyond the nice guy into becoming a kind man.

When shame, self-loathing, and the inner critic get in the way of your love life…

For many men seeking a romantic partner, one of the biggest things that can often get in the way is themselves. So many guys talk themselves out of even approaching someone they’re attracted and they don’t even give themselves a chance.

Underneath this freeze are often pretty deep feelings of shame, self-loathing, and a fierce inner critic.

Check out yet another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where host Melanie Curtin and explore this painful place for so many men.

How the Love Languages Can Help Your Relationship Thrive

When our connection tank is full, so many things in intimate relationship go SO much easier! When it’s empty, even the smallest frictions can cause a lot of strife. Learning to love our partners well is a practice as much as anything else in relationship, and the Five Love Languages as described by Gary Chapman are a powerful tool for making that happen.

Listen in for another powerful episode of the Dear Men Podcast where host Melanie Curtin and I dive into the Five Love Languages, and how we’ve seen them show up in our own lives.

Men, Body Image, and Shame

There’s more and more discussion these days of how hollywood, instagram, porn, and more negatively impact the body image of women. What’s talked about less is the impact all of it can have on men too. Cultural expectations for what a male body “should” look like have changed in pretty drastic ways over the last decades, and that has an impact on us men too!

Tune in for another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where Melanie and I chat about men, body image, and shame. I share some of my own experiences and some of our clients chime in about how these issues have shown up in their lives too.

How Some Men Use Sex with their Women for Self-Regulation

When men aren’t given the tools or education about how to self-regulate and handle their emotions, stress, shame, and loneliness, we can often use sex as a way to feel better. Listen in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where Melanie Curtin and I talk about how this dynamic can often play out, and how damaging it can be to our partners when we use them for regulation unconsciously.

How to Know When She’s Interested

Many nice guys don’t want to make a move until they know a woman is interested in them, but don’t always know how to get a read when that’s true. Tune in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where host Melanie Curtin and I discuss what to look out for, and the importance of not just waiting.

Riding the Rollercoaster When One Partner is Thriving and the Other is Diving

Stay in any relationship long enough and you’re bound to have the experience of one partner being up, and the other being down. As men, how do we navigate this dynamic in intimacy and relationship, whether we’re the ones diving headfirst into the ground, or the ones thriving in abundance. Tune in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast as Melanie Curtin and talk about some of the insights we’ve gleaned from our own lives, and the lives of the many clients we’ve worked with.

The Pain of a Partner “just doing her duty”

There are a lot of stereotypes thrown around about men, one of them being men just “want sex” and don’t care about anything else.

While that’s obviously true for some men, it’s most definitely not for many.

One of the most painful experiences men have shared with me over the last few years, particularly men in relationship is when their partner is just “giving them” sex but without any passion or connection.

Tune in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where my coaching colleague Melanie Curtin and I discuss this painful dynamic.

The Impact of the Father Wound

In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, Melanie and I chat about the many different ways us men can be impacted by a Father who doesn’t show up in the ways we truly need as young men.

Where I Changed More in 20 Minutes Than in Years of Therapy

In this episode of the Dear Men podcast, I chat with host Melanie Curtin about the power of in-person men’s work and how I had a transformative experience in 20 minutes that changed me more than years of talk therapy. Tune in to learn about why it benefits men to be in the company of other men so much, and about the upcoming live Men’s Weekend I’ll be hosting (and Melanie will be teaching at) in July 2022.

How Introverts and Extroverts Can Make Intimate Relationship Work

Can introverts and extroverts make it work in a relationship? In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, I sit down with host (and extrovert) Melanie Curtin to talk about what it’s been like for me to date as an introvert, and some of the many patterns we’ve each seen in our lives and those of our clients across the spectrum of introverted to extroverted.

Want our help to revitalize your intimate relationships? Check out our free training and then follow the instructions at the end to book a call with me.

Three Patterns that Can Torpedo Your Sex Life in Marriage or Relationship

On this episode of the Dear Men podcast, host Melanie Curtin and I discuss three different patterns we’ve seen that can be at the root of a sexless relationship or marriage. These often manifest when both partners mostly get along, but there’s just no passion left in the bedroom.

Tune in now the learn about these three patterns, and what a path out might be.

Want our help to revitalize your relationship or marriage? Check out our free training and then follow the instructions at the end to book a call with me.

What Many Men Suffer Early in Life That F*cks Up Their Relationships

Back on the Dear Men Podcast to talk with Melanie Curtin about something that A LOT of men suffer from early in life, that really messes up their intimate relationships later on down the line, even for men that think they had a “good childhood” growing up.

Tune in to learn about the massive impact of NEGLECT, and a few of the different ways it shows up when we’re kids.

These early attachments wounds CAN be worked with, and if you want our help, checkout our free training and then follow the instructions at the end to book a call with me.

How to Handle Criticism as a Man (particularly your woman’s)

Learning how to take feedback with an open heart is one of the most potent skills we can master as men, particularly from a woman we’re dating. Excited to make another appearance on the Dear Men Podcast to chat with my co-coach Melanie Curtin about how I’ve opened to feedback in my relationship, along with how to distinguish red flag criticism from healthy feedback.

Healthy Anger vs Passive-Aggression in Intimate Relationships

One of the biggest killers of polarity, safety, and intimacy in relationship can be passive-aggression. It’s the antithesis of vulnerability and often comes from not knowing what healthy anger is and how to communicate it. Tune in to this episode of the Dear Men podcast where I join my co-coach Melanie Curtin to get to the root of this relationship destroyer.

Ready to take control of your love life? Watch our free training and book a call to explore working with us

The Top Things We’ve Learned Coaching Men around Sex & Relationships

As we head into another year’s end, I sat down with my co-coach Melanie from the Dear Men Podcast to chat about the top things we’ve learned having coached men in our intensive program these last years. Sex, growth, men’s groups, we cover everything we’ve seen from all the transformations the many men we’ve worked with have experienced.

Ready to join? Watch our training and then book a call.

The Challenge of Approaching a Long-term Partner / Wife for Sex

Back on the Dear Men Podcast with my co-coach Melanie Curtin to talk about the sometimes painful paradox of initiating or asking for sex becoming more challenging the longer and more committed a relationship becomes. It can be a really vulnerable thing for us guys and be very painful when it not working.

Tune in to learn more about my own experiences as well as some strategies to set yourself up for passionate sex with a caring partner.

The Impact of Weed & Booze on Your Love Life

Weed and Booze are powerful substances used by a lot of men for both recreational and medicinal reasons. Listen in to this episode of the Dear Men Podcast where host Melanie Curtin and I discuss the impact unconscious medicinal use can have on the feminine and relationships when it doesn’t address the underlying problems.

From the episode description:

Ever wondered whether you have a normal or healthy relationship with weed, alcohol, or another substance? Here’s a related thing to consider: I’ve dated a number of men who used marijuana or alcohol to regulate (i.e. they were functioning alcoholics or weed addicts), and I was scared to tell them how it affected our relationship. It’s hard to tell someone you care about that their unresolved trauma and subsequent connection to a substance is a problem for you. Here, Jason and I get real about what it means to have a conversation about this, and what the feminine truly craves from the masculine around this. (Hint: it’s not perfection.)

Psychedelics & Healing

After listening to my recent podcast episode, Psychedelics Are Not Enough, Dear Men Podcast host Melanie Curtin asked me to come on her show and talk about what place psychedelics DO have in our healing journey as men.

Our sex is electric but everything else is a disaster! What’s going on?

Ever had the experience of meeting someone who immediately hits your attraction system as a 12 out of 10, there’s an intense & electric compulsion to be with them, AND the sex is off the charts?

And yet having an actual relationship with that person is near impossible or feels like an all-out war?

Tune in for another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where host Melanie Curtin and I break down trauma sex and what really might be going on.

Can Heterosexual Spouses Have Opposite Sex Friends?

Every relationship is different, but at some point, every hetero partnership has to figure out what’s going to work when it comes to friends of the opposite sex (including ex-partners!)

Tune in for another powerful episode of the Dear Men Podcast with Melanie Curtin to find out how to navigate this sometimes tricky subject.

How do I know when my marriage or relationship is over?

Building on some of the themes we’ve explored in recent episodes, Dear Men Podcast host Melanie Curtin and I dive in to explore some of the clear red flags that a relationship, particularly a marriage, is over. Are both partners wanting it to work? Is there still a sexual connection? Is there a growth mindset driving the relationship?

We also talk about what men can do to make sure that when they do decide to end things, they feel 100% clean in exiting because of how they’ve shown up.

Don’t Fear Her Emotions

One of the biggest pitfalls so many men I’ve worked with have when it comes to relating to women is fearing her emotions. Listen in to this great episode of the Dear Men Podcast where my co-coach Melanie and I break down the most important information you need to know about feminine emotions and how you can stand out from the majority of men.

Ready to work with us and take control of your love life?

Is it always best to stay together for the kids?

Choosing whether or not to stay in a relationship when there are kids involved is one of the most challenging decisions a man has to make.

In this episode of the Dear Men podcast, my co-coach Melanie and I discuss this difficult decision and what the cons, and yes, even the pros might be for you and your family.

How to avoid being a sexual creep

A big fear a lot of good men have these days when it comes to relating to women stems from rightfully not wanting to come across as a sexual creep or pervert. After #metoo unveiled much pathological male sexuality, many men are afraid to make a move or express ANY sexual interest with women they’re interested in. And that’s on top of the cultural and religious messages about sex that already mess with our psyches.

Listen in to another great episode of the Dear Men Podcast as Melanie and I talk about the fear driving how so many nice guys relate, and the work we can do to not be “that guy” or fear being called a sexual creep.

Storm vs Abuse: Healthy and Unhealthy Expressions from the Feminine

For many women, it’s a rare thing to experience men that welcome the full range of their feminine expressions and emotions. Learning to stay open and be present for our partners during such storms is an important edge for a lot of us men.

However, holding space doesn’t mean receiving abuse, and it’s super important to learn to distinguish between healthy expressions of emotions and aggression and abuse.

Tune in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast with Melanie Curtin as my wife and I join her to discuss this important topic.

What should I do when the feeling isn’t mutual? [Dear Men Podcast]

Sometimes the feeling isn’t mutual when it comes to attraction and dating. Many nice guys often wonder what the right thing to do is when they find a woman just wants to be friends. Tune in to another episode of the Dear Men podcast where host Melanie and I talk about the best way for men to move forward.

Ready to Take Back Control of Your Love Life?

How Your Choice of Words Reflects Your Sexual Power

The words we use reflect the deeper values we hold in our bodies. Listen in to this episode of the Dear Men podcast where we dive into some interesting patterns Melanie discovered in her sex research about the different words men use and what it often meant about their sex lives.

Learning to claim and own our healthy sexuality and desire is an important step for any man, and we breakdown many of the reasons so many of us men don’t want to be “that guy” when it comes to how we embody our sexuality.

Want to work with us and take control of your love life?

One of the Most Destructive Strategies Nice Guys Use in Dating & Relationships

Feeling resentful towards a partner you’re in a relationship with or one you’re currently courting?

You may be running a covert contract, ie, trying to get something without really asking for it upfront. It is one of THE go-to nice guy strategies and the anti-thesis of leading with vulnerability.

Listen in as Melanie and I take a deep dive into one of the dark sides of nice guys.

Want to work with us and take control of your love life?

What if I show up and lead and she still can’t follow?

We’ve talked a lot about the importance of men doing their work to better be able to show up in relationships with women.

But as they say, it takes two to tango and there is work women must also do to co-create healthy partnership.

You may lead perfectly, and yet if she hasn’t done her own inner healing around attachment, sexuality, or other traumas things may never work out.

Join me and my wife Violet as we chat with Melanie of the Dear Men Podcast about the importance of the healing journey women have to take on their path of relationship.

Ready to Take Back Control of Your Love Life?

Men face sexual stereotypes and pressure too…you’re not weird if you don’t want to sleep with everyone

There’s a lot of cultural expectation of how men are “supposed” to behave when it comes to sex. Listen in to this episode of the Dear Men podcast as host Melanie and I explore why that’s such a problem, and why just because we’re men we don’t have to have sex with everyone we meet.

Want to take back control of your love life?

How to Attract the Women You Want (Dear Men Podcast)

What does attachment style have to do with attraction? Why is it some of us are often hyper attracted to women that aren’t actually attracted to us or available back? In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, host Melanie and I go deep and talk about my personal experience with attraction, the work it took for me to change it, and what it takes to create a powerful relationship that goes beyond our attachment wounds.

Ready to change your attraction pattern and want some help from Melanie and I? Watch our free training and then book a call with us to see if it’s a good fit.

The Shame I Battled as a Virgin

This one’s personal, as I share on Dear Men about my experience as a late-bloomer / virgin, and the intense shame and fear I carried around as a result. It was something I didn’t share with my closest friends, and the anxiety only spiraled deeper the older I got. With each passing year, my fear of how a partner responded only deepened, and I was afraid my inexperience would scare potential sexual partners off.

Listen in to learn how I moved through the experience and what I WISH had known then.

Who has it easier getting into relationship? Men or Women?

I recently had a chat with Melanie of the Dear Men Podcast again to go over the results of a survey she created – discussing who has it easier when it comes to hetero dating and relationships, men or women? This is one where the grass always seems greener….and has a LOT to do with circumstances AND the amount of inner-work one has done. Listen in now – and what do you think?

The Costs of Porn Addiction

Porn is everywhere these days, and can impact our nervous systems and health and wellbeing in countless ways. Listen in to another episode of Dear Men to hear about my story of porn addiction, the costs it had on my life, and the road I took to outgrow it.

What it means to “do your work” and become a better human

Back on the Dear Men Podcast for another quick episode with my co-coach Melanie about what the hell we mean when we say “do your work”. We breakdown what that means and why it’s important when it comes to dating, relationships, and being a better human.

Ready to do your work and want our help? Watch our training and then book a free discovery call to talk about what it takes to change and how we can help.

Magnetize the feminine with this crucial masculine quality

Back with Melanie Curtin on the Dear Men podcast to talk about an INCREDIBLY important quality for the masculine to cultivate when it comes to attracting the feminine. Lack of awareness about this can be one of the BIGGEST killers of attraction.

Once you “see” this and how it manifests in men, you’ll never move through the world in the same way again.

Want our help?

Watch my free webinar about bringing boldness to your dating and relationships here

Book a free discovery session to talk directly to me about what’s not working in your love life

Come out to Hollywood for my next Shadow Breakthrough weekend and fearlessly go into those places inside yourself you’ve been avoiding

Polarity: Practicing Difference in Relationship

Jumped back in front of the mic for another amazing episode of Dear Men with my friend and co-coach Melanie Curtin.

In this episode, we talk some of the nuts and bolts of practicing polarity, AKA difference, in relationship. All the same energies that are important for building attraction early in relationship become even MORE important later on!

From the podcast description:
Men and women often want to turn each other on, especially in the context of sex, dating and relationships. But how do you keep sexual attraction hot in longer-term relationships, like marriages? The evolution of modern relationships suggests that polarity plays a key role.

Women really want you to do this… (Dear Men)

Guys women really do like it when men take the lead in dating and relationships. In fact, its a massive source of turn-on for many of them!

In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, Melanie and I debrief the previous episode where four different women share first hand stories of when men either failed to lead or led beautifully.

Listen to part one with the women here:

Listen to part two with Melanie and I here:

Watch my free BEYOND THE NICE GUY webinar that teaches 5 keys shifts to help you lead in life and love. and book a call with me if you’re ready to get some coaching from Melanie and I to transform your dating life!

5 easy ways to boost your testosterone naturally (Dear Men)

Upping our self care is one of the most sure fire ways we can show up the most powerfully in life as men. Excited to make another appearance on the Dear Men Podcast with Melanie Curtin as we talk about 5 easy and natural ways us men can boost our testosterone to make us more ready and capable to thrive in life.

Moving on from a breakup (Dear Men)

Get over an ex can be tough when a relationship is over. In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, Melanie and I chat about our personal experiences, what we’ve seen in our clients, and ways to accelerate the process!

Ready to get over an ex and drop in deeper with yourself? Book a free discovery session with me now. We’ll chat about what’s not been working in your dating life so far, and what blocks might be in the way of the next relationship you really want.

BOOK A CALL NOW

Three guys who changed their inner world to transform their dating life

Inside out transformation WORKS. Listen in to this special episode of the Dear Men Podcast where Melanie interviews three graduates of our Pillars of Presence program.

They talk about:

What life was like before they joined
What they experienced while in the program
And the many ways their lives continue to transform after the program

Ready to reboot your inner life and transform your dating with Mel and I’s help? Book a free discovery session with me now. We’ll chat about what’s not been working in your dating life so far, and what blocks might be in the way to taking things to the next level. If it’s a good fit, we’ll talk about you joining our program.

BOOK A CALL NOW

Who Should Pay On A Date? (Dear Men Podcast)

Back on the Dear Men Podcast with my coaching partner Mel Curtin to talk about a sensitive and confusing subject…..who should pay on a date? What about in relationship?

This can be a massive source of frustration for men and tension for women. Listen in and let us know what’s worked for you!

Want to reboot your dating life with Mel and I’s help? Book a free discovery session with me now. We’ll chat about what’s not been working in your dating life so far, and what blocks might be in the way.

BOOK A CALL NOW

How to Intentionally Attract Your Ideal Partner (Dear Men)

Back on the Dear Men podcast with host and my co-coach Melanie to kick off the New Year with a conversation about some of the big mistakes we see clients make when trying to attract their ideal partner. Here’s the show description:

When it comes to sex, dating, and relationships, can you intentionally attract a healthy, giving, loving partner? The short answer is yes. The long answer is this episode, which outlines a 2-step process to magnetize the man or woman (or men/women ;)) you really want.

Men and purpose: what’s the deal? (Dear Men)

Back on the Dear Men podcast again!

Mel and I chat about the massive amounts of energy and confusion that can be generated for us men when it comes to “finding our purpose”.

From the episode notes:

The personal development world is obsessed with men being “on purpose,” and there’s a lot out there about how that impacts the guy’s sex, dating, and relationship life. But what purpose really mean, and is it really realistic for the masculine to “find” it?

Navigating Personal Space vs. Togetherness in Relationship

My co-coach Melanie Curtin and I are back on her podcast Dear Men to chat about the delicate balance of how much, and when, to take personal space when in relationship. Enjoy!

From the episode description:

Both men and women need alone time in a relationship, but how do you get it without hurting your partner’s feelings? It’s a critical dating and relationship skill–and impacts the sex in a surprising way, too.

Want to work with Melanie and I to transform your dating life? I have a few discovery sessions open for single guys ready to get get clear about and change their dating lives. If it feels like a good fit for us to work together, I’ll share more about our powerful transformational dating program for men. If not, you’ll have a much better sense of how to move forward in your love life. Everyone wins.

BOOK YOUR SESSION

Dear Men Podcast: The Day I Outgrew Pickup

Back on another episode of the Dear Men Podcast with my friend and coaching partner Melanie Curtin!

I got introduced to this work in 2006 when The Game was released, and quickly found that it wasn’t the right approach for me. However, the pickup artist scene (PUA) is the entry point for a lot of men looking for how to get better with women in sex, dating, and relationships. Numerous guys I’ve worked with experienced Pickup as their FIRST men’s work. In this episode, Melanie and I explore the positive and darker sides of the scene.

How to Attract the Right Women (and Not the Wrong Ones)

Excited to return to the Dear Men Podcast with my friend and coaching partner Melanie Curtin.

A pattern she and I see over and over in our work with men is exposed here, and it’s critical to having and maintaining healthy relationships. Whether it’s for dating, sex, or relationships, the kinds of women you attract aren’t random; it’s important to know how to get the women who are good for you, and avoid the ones that are bad for you.

Listen to more episodes and subscribe on iTunes.

If you’re ready to break this pattern in your life and reboot yourself from the inside out, book a free discovery call now.

SCHEDULE A CALL

Dear Men Podcast: From “Nice Guy” to Confident With Women & Married to a Goddess

Excited to have been invited onto the podcast Dear Men, hosted by good friend and colleague Melanie Curtin. We chat about my journey from being an awkward, shy, and angsty guy that had zero experience with women to meeting and marrying the goddess of my dreams.

Listen to more episodes and subscribe on iTunes.

If you’re interested in discovering what’s in the way of YOU making this journey on your own, click below to book a free call with me and my team.

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