Enjoy these 29+ hours of powerful podcast episodes about what it takes for modern men to show up as healthy leaders in intimate relationships. Listen below or click the spotify playlist to queue them all up for a long drive.
Having been swimming in the waters of polarity, sexual yoga, and erotic friction for a while now, I was happy to have a chat with Melanie Curtin on the Dear Men Podcast about some of the problems that can surface in this work. This episode has lots of feedback from clients we've worked with, plus our own take's on some of the issues we frequently see or experience!
In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, Melanie Curtin and I chat about WTF it means for us to actually step into our power as men, how important that particularly is for nice guys, and share some huge wins from our clients demonstrated the shifts they've made.
Let's face it, online dating can rough, especially for guys! The odds are often stacked against heterosexual man navigating the world of dating apps. In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, host Melanie Curtin and I share five tried-and-true tips to help you maintain your sanity and use the apps with consciousness and intent.
We've seen these suggestions work wonders for our clients, and they can do the same for you.
Through our experiences in aiding men, what we've frequently observed is a distinct polarity. Men with 'Nice Guy' tendencies tend to attract women possessing traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These women are often vibrant, humorous, captivating, sharp-witted, pleasurable company...and yet, unpredictable. Being romantically involved with them can feel like riding an emotional roller coaster, filled with extreme highs and lows.
On this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, my co-coach Melanie Curtin and I talk about some of the ways nice guy syndrome relates to cheating behaviors (on both sides). We discuss the dual perspectives of cheating and being cheated on, highlighting the dilemma faced by 'Nice Guys' who often endure poor treatment in relationships.
An absolutely crucial component to any long term relationship which occur in a very unique polarity. In short, each partner has to both be willing to be GENEROUS when it comes to tending ot their partner's nervous system, AND they must also take responsibility for their own nervous system to be able to show up to the relationship with the energy required for presence and connection. Any relationship where it's just one partner giving is going to hit some bumpy roads sooner than later. Listen in to find out more!
In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, host Melanie Curtin and I discuss the challenges of expressing one's needs and wants in a relationship. We explore the importance of open communication, making requests, and teaching our partners how to love us. We share some examples and suggestions for navigating difficult conversations and making adjustments in order to deepen connection and meet each other's needs!
Mastering transitions in dating and relationships is one of the most powerful ways to bring polarity to your relationship. Tune into another episode of the Dear Men podcast where host Melanie Curtin talk about this particularly important capacity of setting context and direction.
In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, my Heart of Shadow co-facilitator Luke Adler and I chat with host Melanie Curtin about what shadow work is, how it can improve our mental, emotional, and physical health, and how that in turn can make us more attractive lovers and friends.
In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, I again join host Melanie Curtin to discuss what we actually mean by women wanting a conscious and integrated man. In short they want something that goes beyond the basic bro or the nice guy. Listen now to find out more.
One of the most challenging things for men these days can be the lack of healthy male role models in our lives. Interaction with other healthy and inspiring men is one of the primary ways we can learn what healthy masculinity is, and when those opportunities are absent from our lives it can have a major impact on our development.
Tune in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast where host Melanie Curtin and I talk about this problem and what to do about it. (hint, Men's Work!)
In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, host (and co-coach of mine) Melanie Curtin and I discuss 5 ways to polarize a powerful woman, which is just a fancy way of saying how to create chemistry, connection, and attraction.
Back on another episode of the Dear Men Podcast to chat with host Melanie Curtin about a pattern of ambivalence or doubt many men experience in relationship. How do you know if your partner is the real deal and worth staying with, or if it's time to exit the relationship?
If you're a man that's wanting to deepen your relationship, whether new or old, tune into this episode of the Dear Men Podcast where host Melanie Curtin and I explore what it means to truly claim a woman. This isn't about some macho patriarchal domination/ownership thing, but about what it means to truly hold a loving partner in your attention in a way that makes her feel safe to be vulnerable and truly shine.
What happens when a long term relationship goes flat? You're connecting, you're friends, you get along, but there's zero spark or erotic energy?
Almost all long term relationships have this problem at some point, and it'll often fall into the bucket of either being a totally neutral relationship or even a reverse polarized one.
Melanie of the Dear Men Podcast and I break down this pattern, and what can be done to change course and bring the spark back to any relationship.
Back with Melanie on the Dear Men Podcast to talk about one of the most painful patterns men can experience in relationship which centers around feeling like not being enough for our partners. In many hetereo relationships, the dance of "I'm not enough" felt by many men often collides with the feeling of "I'm too much" that's often felt by women. In this episode we break down this pattern, share about where it's shown up in our own relationships and those of our clients, and talk about steps to move beyond it.
On this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, host Melanie Curtin and I discuss how what makes us great at certain professions can actually hinder our ability to connect with women or others in relationships. High intensity medical jobs, isolated and work from home coding jobs, and jobs with unpredictable schedules or high demand can impact our life in numerous ways.
Tune in now to learn how your job might be impacting your relationships, and what you can do about it!
Most men have their big list - the things they've felt they have to do to be successful or make it in life. Often a blend of career, finances, relationship, and family, we burn through life working to make all these things happen with the belief that once we've achieved them, some utopia will be awaiting us. Unfortunately that magic utopia never comes, and even though we're doing all the things we thought would bring us satisfaction and happiness, our lives still feel flat or empty.
Tune into another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where Melanie Curtin and I discuss this dynamic we've seen in men and the path forward beyond it to true satisfaction!
Nice guy syndrome is everywhere. More and more men are waking up to the myriad of ways we often put ourselves last, usually to the detriment of everyone around us. In this episode of the Dear Men podcast, my coaching partner Melanie and I talk about the steps to take to move beyond the nice guy into becoming a kind man.
For many men seeking a romantic partner, one of the biggest things that can often get in the way is themselves. So many guys talk themselves out of even approaching someone they're attracted and they don't even give themselves a chance.
Underneath this freeze are often pretty deep feelings of shame, self-loathing, and a fierce inner critic.
Check out yet another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where host Melanie Curtin and explore this painful place for so many men.
When our connection tank is full, so many things in intimate relationship go SO much easier! When it's empty, even the smallest frictions can cause a lot of disharmony. Learning to love our partners well is a practice as much as anything else in relationship, and the Five Love Languages as described by Gary Chapman are a powerful tool for making that happen.
There's more and more discussion these days of how hollywood, instagram, porn, and more negatively impact the body image of women. What's talked about less is the impact all of it can have on men too. Cultural expectations for what a male body "should" look like have changed in pretty drastic ways over the last decades, and that has an impact on us men too!
When men aren’t given the tools or education about how to self-regulate and handle their emotions, stress, shame, and loneliness, we can often use sex as a way to feel better. Listen in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where Melanie Curtin and I talk about how this dynamic can often play out, and how damaging it can be to our partners when we use them for regulation unconsciously.
Many nice guys don't want to make a move until they know a woman is interested in them, but don't always know how to get a read when that's true. Tune in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where host Melanie Curtin and I discuss what to look out for, and the importance of not just waiting.
Stay in any relationship long enough and you're bound to have the experience of one partner being up, and the other being down. As men, how do we navigate this dynamic in intimacy and relationship, whether we're the ones diving headfirst into the ground, or the ones thriving in abundance. Tune in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast as Melanie Curtin and talk about some of the insights we've gleaned from our own lives, and the lives of the many clients we've worked with.
There are a lot of stereotypes thrown around about men, one of them being men just "want sex" and don't care about anything else.
While that's obviously true for some men, it's most definitely not for many.
One of the most painful experiences men have shared with me over the last few years, particularly men in relationship is when their partner is just "giving them" sex but without any passion or connection.
Tune in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where my coaching colleague Melanie Curtin and I discuss this painful dynamic.
In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, Melanie and I chat about the many different ways us men can be impacted by a Father who doesn't show up in the ways we truly need as young men.
In this episode of the Dear Men podcast, I chat with host Melanie Curtin about the power of in-person men's work and how I had a transformative experience in 20 minutes that changed me more than years of talk therapy. Tune in to learn about why it benefits men to be in the company of other men so much, and about the upcoming live Men's Weekend I'll be hosting (and Melanie will be teaching at) in July 2022.
Can introverts and extroverts make it work in a relationship? In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, I sit down with host (and extrovert) Melanie Curtin to talk about what it's been like for me to date as an introvert, and some of the many patterns we've each seen in our lives and those of our clients across the spectrum of introverted to extroverted.
Back on the Dear Men Podcast to talk with Melanie Curtin about something that A LOT of men suffer from early in life, that really messes up their intimate relationships later on down the line, even for men that think they had a "good childhood" growing up.
Tune in to learn about the massive impact of NEGLECT, and a few of the different ways it shows up when we're kids.
Learning how to take feedback with an open heart is one of the most potent skills we can master as men, particularly from a woman we're dating. Excited to make another appearance on the Dear Men Podcast to chat with my co-coach Melanie Curtin about how I've opened to feedback in my relationship, along with how to distinguish red flag criticism from healthy feedback.
One of the biggest killers of polarity, safety, and intimacy in relationship can be passive-aggression. It's the antithesis of vulnerability and often comes from not knowing what healthy anger is and how to communicate it. Tune in to this episode of the Dear Men podcast where I join my co-coach Melanie Curtin to get to the root of this relationship destroyer.
As we head into another year's end, I sat down with my co-coach Melanie from the Dear Men Podcast to chat about the top things we've learned having coached men in our intensive program these last years. Sex, growth, men's groups, we cover everything we've seen from all the transformations the many men we've worked with have experienced.
Back on the Dear Men Podcast with my co-coach Melanie Curtin to talk about the sometimes painful paradox of initiating or asking for sex becoming more challenging the longer and more committed a relationship becomes. It can be a really vulnerable thing for us guys and be very painful when it not working.
Tune in to learn more about my own experiences as well as some strategies to set yourself up for passionate sex with a caring partner.
Weed and Booze are powerful substances used by a lot of men for both recreational and medicinal reasons. Listen in to this episode of the Dear Men Podcast where host Melanie Curtin and I discuss the impact unconscious medicinal use can have on the feminine and relationships when it doesn't address the underlying problems.
After listening to my recent podcast episode, Psychedelics Are Not Enough, Dear Men Podcast host Melanie Curtin asked me to come on her show and talk about what place psychedelics DO have in our healing journey as men.
Ever had the experience of meeting someone who immediately hits your attraction system as a 12 out of 10, there's an intense & electric compulsion to be with them, AND the sex is off the charts?
And yet having an actual relationship with that person is near impossible or feels like an all-out war?
Tune in for another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where host Melanie Curtin and I break down trauma sex and what really might be going on.
Every relationship is different, but at some point, every hetero partnership has to figure out what's going to work when it comes to friends of the opposite sex (including ex-partners!)
Tune in for another powerful episode of the Dear Men Podcast with Melanie Curtin to find out how to navigate this sometimes tricky subject.
Building on some of the themes we've explored in recent episodes, Dear Men Podcast host Melanie Curtin and I dive in to explore some of the clear red flags that a relationship, particularly a marriage, is over. Are both partners wanting it to work? Is there still a sexual connection? Is there a growth mindset driving the relationship?
We also talk about what men can do to make sure that when they do decide to end things, they feel 100% clean in exiting because of how they've shown up.
One of the biggest pitfalls so many men I've worked with have when it comes to relating to women is fearing her emotions. Listen in to this great episode of the Dear Men Podcast where my co-coach Melanie and I break down the most important information you need to know about feminine emotions and how you can stand out from the majority of men.
Choosing whether or not to stay in a relationship when there are kids involved is one of the most challenging decisions a man has to make.
In this episode of the Dear Men podcast, my co-coach Melanie and I discuss this difficult decision and what the cons, and yes, even the pros might be for you and your family.
A big fear a lot of good men have these days when it comes to relating to women stems from rightfully not wanting to come across as a sexual creep or pervert. After #metoo unveiled much pathological male sexuality, many men are afraid to make a move or express ANY sexual interest with women they're interested in. And that's on top of the cultural and religious messages about sex that already mess with our psyches.
Listen in to another great episode of the Dear Men Podcast as Melanie and I talk about the fear driving how so many nice guys relate, and the work we can do to not be "that guy" or fear being called a sexual creep.
For many women, it's a rare thing to experience men that welcome the full range of their feminine expressions and emotions. Learning to stay open and be present for our partners during such storms is an important edge for a lot of us men.
However, holding space doesn't mean receiving abuse, and it's super important to learn to distinguish between healthy expressions of emotions and aggression and abuse.
Sometimes the feeling isn't mutual when it comes to attraction and dating. Many nice guys often wonder what the right thing to do is when they find a woman just wants to be friends. Tune in to another episode of the Dear Men podcast where host Melanie and I talk about the best way for men to move forward.
The words we use reflect the deeper values we hold in our bodies. Listen in to this episode of the Dear Men podcast where we dive into some interesting patterns Melanie discovered in her sex research about the different words men use and what it often meant about their sex lives.
Learning to claim and own our healthy sexuality and desire is an important step for any man, and we breakdown many of the reasons so many of us men don't want to be "that guy" when it comes to how we embody our sexuality.
Feeling resentful towards a partner you're in a relationship with or one you're currently courting?
You may be running a covert contract, ie, trying to get something without really asking for it up front. It is one of THE go-to nice guy strategies, and the anti-thesis of leading with vulnerability.
Listen in as Melanie and I take a deep dive into one of the dark sides of nice guys.
Join me and my wife Violet as we chat with Melanie of the Dear Men Podcast about the importance of the healing journey women have to take on their path of relationship.
There's a lot of cultural expectation of how men are "supposed" to behave when it comes to sex. Listen in to this episode of the Dear Men podcast and host Melanie and I explore why that's such a problem, and why just because we're men we don't have to have sex with everyone we meet.
What does attachment style have to do with attraction? Why is it some of us are often hyper attracted to women that aren't actually attracted to us or available back? In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, host Melanie and I go deep and talk about my personal experience with attraction, the work it took for me to change it, and what it takes to create a powerful relationship that goes beyond our attachment wounds.
This one's personal, as I share on Dear Men about my experience as a late-bloomer / virgin, and the intense shame and fear I carried around as a result. It was something I didn't share with my closest friends, and the anxiety only spiraled deeper the older I got. With each passing year, my fear of how a partner responded only deepened, and I was afraid my inexperience would scare potential sexual partners off.
Listen in to learn how I moved through the experience and what I WISH had known then.
I recently had a chat with Melanie of the Dear Men Podcast again to go over the results of a survey she created - discussing who has it easier when it comes to hetero dating and relationships, men or women? This is one where the grass always seems greener....and has a LOT to do with circumstances AND the amount of inner-work one has done. Listen in now - and what do you think?
Porn is everywhere these days, and can impact our nervous systems and health and wellbeing in countless ways. Listen in to another episode of Dear Men to hear about my story of porn addiction, the costs it had on my life, and the road I took to outgrow it.
Back on the Dear Men Podcast for another quick episode with my co-coach Melanie about what the hell we mean when we say "do your work". We breakdown what that means and why it's important when it comes to dating, relationships, and being a better human.
In this episode, we talk some of the nuts and bolts of practicing polarity, AKA difference, in relationship. All the same energies that are important for building attraction early in relationship become even MORE important later on!
Upping our self care is one of the most sure fire ways we can show up the most powerfully in life as men. Excited to make another appearance on the Dear Men Podcast with Melanie Curtin as we talk about 5 easy and natural ways us men can boost our testosterone to make us more ready and capable to thrive in life.
Get over an ex can be tough when a relationship is over. In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, Melanie and I chat about our personal experiences, what we've seen in our clients, and ways to accelerate the process!
Inside out transformation WORKS. Listen in to this special episode of the Dear Men Podcast where Melanie interviews three graduates of our Pillars of Presence program.
Back on the Dear Men Podcast with my coaching partner Mel Curtin to talk about a sensitive and confusing subject.....who should pay on a date? What about in relationship?
This can be a massive source of frustration for men and tension for women. Listen in and let us know what's worked for you!
My co-coach Melanie Curtin and I are back on her podcast Dear Men to chat about the delicate balance of how much, and when, to take personal space when in relationship. Enjoy!
Back on another episode of the Dear Men Podcast with my friend and coaching partner Melanie Curtin!
I got introduced to this work in 2006 when The Game was released, and quickly found that it wasn't the right approach for me. However, the pickup artist scene (PUA) is the entry point for a lot of men looking for how to get better with women in sex, dating, and relationships. Numerous guys I've worked with experienced Pickup as their FIRST men's work. In this episode, Melanie and I explore the positive and darker sides of the scene.
Whether it's for dating, sex, or relationships, the kinds of women you attract aren't random; it's important to know how to get the women who are good for you, and avoid the ones that are bad for you.
Excited to have been invited onto the podcast Dear Men, hosted by good friend and colleague Melanie Curtin. We chat about my journey from being an awkward, shy, and angsty guy that who zero experience with women to meeting and marrying the goddess of my dreams.
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