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Dear Men Podcast

Episodes with Jason Lange

Enjoy these 29+ hours of powerful podcast episodes about what it takes for modern men to show up as healthy leaders in intimate relationships. Listen below or click the spotify playlist to queue them all up for a long drive.

The Problems with Polarity

The Problems with Polarity

Having been swimming in the waters of polarity, sexual yoga, and erotic friction for a while now, I was happy to have a chat with Melanie Curtin on the Dear Men Podcast about some of the problems that can surface in this work. This episode has lots of feedback from clients we've worked with, plus our own take's on some of the issues we frequently see or experience!
How Use Dating Apps Consciously

How Use Dating Apps Consciously

Let's face it, online dating can rough, especially for guys! The odds are often stacked against heterosexual man navigating the world of dating apps. In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, host Melanie Curtin and I share five tried-and-true tips to help you maintain your sanity and use the apps with consciousness and intent. We've seen these suggestions work wonders for our clients, and they can do the same for you.
The Polarity of Nice Guys & Volatile Women

The Polarity of Nice Guys & Volatile Women

Through our experiences in aiding men, what we've frequently observed is a distinct polarity. Men with 'Nice Guy' tendencies tend to attract women possessing traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These women are often vibrant, humorous, captivating, sharp-witted, pleasurable company...and yet, unpredictable. Being romantically involved with them can feel like riding an emotional roller coaster, filled with extreme highs and lows. 
Nice Guy Syndrome and Cheating (on both sides)

Nice Guy Syndrome and Cheating (on both sides)

On this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, my co-coach Melanie Curtin and I talk about some of the ways nice guy syndrome relates to cheating behaviors (on both sides). We discuss the dual perspectives of cheating and being cheated on, highlighting the dilemma faced by 'Nice Guys' who often endure poor treatment in relationships.
Every Successful Relationship Requires These Two Things

Every Successful Relationship Requires These Two Things

An absolutely crucial component to any long term relationship which occur in a very unique polarity. In short, each partner has to both be willing to be GENEROUS when it comes to tending ot their partner's nervous system, AND they must also take responsibility for their own nervous system to be able to show up to the relationship with the energy required for presence and connection. Any relationship where it's just one partner giving is going to hit some bumpy roads sooner than later. Listen in to find out more!
How to Communicate Your Needs in a Relationship

How to Communicate Your Needs in a Relationship

In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, host Melanie Curtin and I discuss the challenges of expressing one's needs and wants in a relationship. We explore the importance of open communication, making requests, and teaching our partners how to love us. We share some examples and suggestions for navigating difficult conversations and making adjustments in order to deepen connection and meet each other's needs!
Shadow Work is Sexy

Shadow Work is Sexy

In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, my Heart of Shadow co-facilitator Luke Adler and I chat with host Melanie Curtin about what shadow work is, how it can improve our mental, emotional, and physical health, and how that in turn can make us more attractive lovers and friends.
The Challenge of Not Having Good Male Role Models

The Challenge of Not Having Good Male Role Models

One of the most challenging things for men these days can be the lack of healthy male role models in our lives.  Interaction with other healthy and inspiring men is one of the primary ways we can learn what healthy masculinity is, and when those opportunities are absent from our lives it can have a major impact on our development. Tune in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast where host Melanie Curtin and I talk about this problem and what to do about it. (hint, Men's Work!)
Doubt & Relationship

Doubt & Relationship

Back on another episode of the Dear Men Podcast to chat with host Melanie Curtin about a pattern of ambivalence or doubt many men experience in relationship.  How do you know if your partner is the real deal and worth staying with, or if it's time to exit the relationship?
Want Your Relationship To Bloom? Do This!

Want Your Relationship To Bloom? Do This!

If you're a man that's wanting to deepen your relationship, whether new or old, tune into this episode of the Dear Men Podcast where host Melanie Curtin and I explore what it means to truly claim a woman.  This isn't about some macho patriarchal domination/ownership thing, but about what it means to truly hold a loving partner in your attention in a way that makes her feel safe to be vulnerable and truly shine.
How to Re-polarize and Bring the Spark Back to a Relationship That’s Gone Flat

How to Re-polarize and Bring the Spark Back to a Relationship That’s Gone Flat

What happens when a long term relationship goes flat? You're connecting, you're friends, you get along, but there's zero spark or erotic energy? Almost all long term relationships have this problem at some point, and it'll often fall into the bucket of either being a totally neutral relationship or even a reverse polarized one. Melanie of the Dear Men Podcast and I break down this pattern, and what can be done to change course and bring the spark back to any relationship.
The Painful Relationship Pattern of Feeling Like Not Enough

The Painful Relationship Pattern of Feeling Like Not Enough

Back with Melanie on the Dear Men Podcast to talk about one of the most painful patterns men can experience in relationship which centers around feeling like not being enough for our partners. In many hetereo relationships, the dance of "I'm not enough" felt by many men often collides with the feeling of "I'm too much" that's often felt by women. In this episode we break down this pattern, share about where it's shown up in our own relationships and those of our clients, and talk about steps to move beyond it.
How Your Job Can Make It Harder to Connect With Women

How Your Job Can Make It Harder to Connect With Women

On this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, host Melanie Curtin and I discuss how what makes us great at certain professions can actually hinder our ability to connect with women or others in relationships. High intensity medical jobs, isolated and work from home coding jobs, and jobs with unpredictable schedules or high demand can impact our life in numerous ways. Tune in now to learn how your job might be impacting your relationships, and what you can do about it!
I’m doing all things I’m supposed to do, and yet life feels flat!

I’m doing all things I’m supposed to do, and yet life feels flat!

Most men have their big list - the things they've felt they have to do to be successful or make it in life. Often a blend of career, finances, relationship, and family, we burn through life working to make all these things happen with the belief that once we've achieved them, some utopia will be awaiting us. Unfortunately that magic utopia never comes, and even though we're doing all the things we thought would bring us satisfaction and happiness, our lives still feel flat or empty. Tune into another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where Melanie Curtin and I discuss this dynamic we've seen in men and the path forward beyond it to true satisfaction!
When shame, self-loathing, and the inner critic get in the way of your love life…

When shame, self-loathing, and the inner critic get in the way of your love life…

For many men seeking a romantic partner, one of the biggest things that can often get in the way is themselves. So many guys talk themselves out of even approaching someone they're attracted and they don't even give themselves a chance. Underneath this freeze are often pretty deep feelings of shame, self-loathing, and a fierce inner critic. Check out yet another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where host Melanie Curtin and explore this painful place for so many men.
Men, Body Image, and Shame

Men, Body Image, and Shame

There's more and more discussion these days of how hollywood, instagram, porn, and more negatively impact the body image of women. What's talked about less is the impact all of it can have on men too. Cultural expectations for what a male body "should" look like have changed in pretty drastic ways over the last decades, and that has an impact on us men too!
How Some Men Use Sex with their Women for Self-Regulation

How Some Men Use Sex with their Women for Self-Regulation

When men aren’t given the tools or education about how to self-regulate and handle their emotions, stress, shame, and loneliness, we can often use sex as a way to feel better. Listen in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where Melanie Curtin and I talk about how this dynamic can often play out, and how damaging it can be to our partners when we use them for regulation unconsciously.
How to Know When She’s Interested

How to Know When She’s Interested

Many nice guys don't want to make a move until they know a woman is interested in them, but don't always know how to get a read when that's true. Tune in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where host Melanie Curtin and I discuss what to look out for, and the importance of not just waiting.
Riding the Rollercoaster When One Partner is Thriving and the Other is Diving

Riding the Rollercoaster When One Partner is Thriving and the Other is Diving

Stay in any relationship long enough and you're bound to have the experience of one partner being up, and the other being down. As men, how do we navigate this dynamic in intimacy and relationship, whether we're the ones diving headfirst into the ground, or the ones thriving in abundance. Tune in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast as Melanie Curtin and talk about some of the insights we've gleaned from our own lives, and the lives of the many clients we've worked with.
The Pain of a Partner “just doing her duty”

The Pain of a Partner “just doing her duty”

There are a lot of stereotypes thrown around about men, one of them being men just "want sex" and don't care about anything else. While that's obviously true for some men, it's most definitely not for many. One of the most painful experiences men have shared with me over the last few years, particularly men in relationship is when their partner is just "giving them" sex but without any passion or connection. Tune in to another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where my coaching colleague Melanie Curtin and I discuss this painful dynamic.
Where I Changed More in 20 Minutes Than in Years of Therapy

Where I Changed More in 20 Minutes Than in Years of Therapy

In this episode of the Dear Men podcast, I chat with host Melanie Curtin about the power of in-person men's work and how I had a transformative experience in 20 minutes that changed me more than years of talk therapy. Tune in to learn about why it benefits men to be in the company of other men so much, and about the upcoming live Men's Weekend I'll be hosting (and Melanie will be teaching at) in July 2022.
The Challenge of Approaching a Long-term Partner / Wife for Sex

The Challenge of Approaching a Long-term Partner / Wife for Sex

Back on the Dear Men Podcast with my co-coach Melanie Curtin to talk about the sometimes painful paradox of initiating or asking for sex becoming more challenging the longer and more committed a relationship becomes. It can be a really vulnerable thing for us guys and be very painful when it not working. Tune in to learn more about my own experiences as well as some strategies to set yourself up for passionate sex with a caring partner.
The Impact of Weed & Booze on Your Love Life

The Impact of Weed & Booze on Your Love Life

Weed and Booze are powerful substances used by a lot of men for both recreational and medicinal reasons. Listen in to this episode of the Dear Men Podcast where host Melanie Curtin and I discuss the impact unconscious medicinal use can have on the feminine and relationships when it doesn't address the underlying problems.
Psychedelics & Healing

Psychedelics & Healing

After listening to my recent podcast episode, Psychedelics Are Not Enough, Dear Men Podcast host Melanie Curtin asked me to come on her show and talk about what place psychedelics DO have in our healing journey as men.
Our sex is electric but everything else is a disaster! What’s going on?

Our sex is electric but everything else is a disaster! What’s going on?

Ever had the experience of meeting someone who immediately hits your attraction system as a 12 out of 10, there's an intense & electric compulsion to be with them, AND the sex is off the charts? And yet having an actual relationship with that person is near impossible or feels like an all-out war? Tune in for another episode of the Dear Men Podcast, where host Melanie Curtin and I break down trauma sex and what really might be going on.
How do I know when my marriage or relationship is over?

How do I know when my marriage or relationship is over?

Building on some of the themes we've explored in recent episodes, Dear Men Podcast host Melanie Curtin and I dive in to explore some of the clear red flags that a relationship, particularly a marriage, is over. Are both partners wanting it to work? Is there still a sexual connection? Is there a growth mindset driving the relationship? We also talk about what men can do to make sure that when they do decide to end things, they feel 100% clean in exiting because of how they've shown up.
Don’t Fear Her Emotions

Don’t Fear Her Emotions

One of the biggest pitfalls so many men I've worked with have when it comes to relating to women is fearing her emotions. Listen in to this great episode of the Dear Men Podcast where my co-coach Melanie and I break down the most important information you need to know about feminine emotions and how you can stand out from the majority of men.
How to avoid being a sexual creep

How to avoid being a sexual creep

A big fear a lot of good men have these days when it comes to relating to women stems from rightfully not wanting to come across as a sexual creep or pervert. After #metoo unveiled much pathological male sexuality, many men are afraid to make a move or express ANY sexual interest with women they're interested in. And that's on top of the cultural and religious messages about sex that already mess with our psyches. Listen in to another great episode of the Dear Men Podcast as Melanie and I talk about the fear driving how so many nice guys relate, and the work we can do to not be "that guy" or fear being called a sexual creep.
Storm vs Abuse: Healthy and Unhealthy Expressions from the Feminine

Storm vs Abuse: Healthy and Unhealthy Expressions from the Feminine

For many women, it's a rare thing to experience men that welcome the full range of their feminine expressions and emotions. Learning to stay open and be present for our partners during such storms is an important edge for a lot of us men. However, holding space doesn't mean receiving abuse, and it's super important to learn to distinguish between healthy expressions of emotions and aggression and abuse.
How Your Choice of Words Reflects Your Sexual Power

How Your Choice of Words Reflects Your Sexual Power

The words we use reflect the deeper values we hold in our bodies. Listen in to this episode of the Dear Men podcast where we dive into some interesting patterns Melanie discovered in her sex research about the different words men use and what it often meant about their sex lives. Learning to claim and own our healthy sexuality and desire is an important step for any man, and we breakdown many of the reasons so many of us men don't want to be "that guy" when it comes to how we embody our sexuality.
How to Attract the Women You Want (Dear Men Podcast)

How to Attract the Women You Want (Dear Men Podcast)

What does attachment style have to do with attraction? Why is it some of us are often hyper attracted to women that aren't actually attracted to us or available back? In this episode of the Dear Men Podcast, host Melanie and I go deep and talk about my personal experience with attraction, the work it took for me to change it, and what it takes to create a powerful relationship that goes beyond our attachment wounds.
The Shame I Battled as a Virgin

The Shame I Battled as a Virgin

This one's personal, as I share on Dear Men about my experience as a late-bloomer / virgin, and the intense shame and fear I carried around as a result. It was something I didn't share with my closest friends, and the anxiety only spiraled deeper the older I got. With each passing year, my fear of how a partner responded only deepened, and I was afraid my inexperience would scare potential sexual partners off. Listen in to learn how I moved through the experience and what I WISH had known then.
Dear Men Podcast: The Day I Outgrew Pickup

Dear Men Podcast: The Day I Outgrew Pickup

Back on another episode of the Dear Men Podcast with my friend and coaching partner Melanie Curtin! I got introduced to this work in 2006 when The Game was released, and quickly found that it wasn't the right approach for me. However, the pickup artist scene (PUA) is the entry point for a lot of men looking for how to get better with women in sex, dating, and relationships. Numerous guys I've worked with experienced Pickup as their FIRST men's work. In this episode, Melanie and I explore the positive and darker sides of the scene.