When coaching men about dating and relationships, one of the first shifts I help them make is to realize that their energy matters just as much all the typical “external” stuff guys often get tripped up on.
External stuff matters for sure, including being healthy in your body, dressing well, having an organized space, and having some stability and direction in your career and finances.
But the truth is most men overestimate how important external stuff is while underestimating how important internal energy is. Most coaches in the dating space do as well, with the extreme edge being the “pickup” world that teaches canned lines, phrases, and routines for how to “get” women. The problem with just focusing on external stuff is that it will only impact women who care about external stuff. Smart, sexy, and radiant women care about more than a man’s pocket book and abs, they care about his inner presence and energy as well.
So what do I mean by internal energy, as “woo woo” as that sounds?
In my work, we talk about it using more than a few different terms: presence, awareness, vision, alignment, and DEPTH. They all more or less point towards the same thing.
Masculine energy is directive, still, slow, and piercing. It’s grounded, conscious, and embodied in the current moment, while also tracking the bigger picture across time and space. It is a way of breathing, moving, speaking, and being that we men cultivate over time. It is an energy that exists independently of gender that BOTH sexes must use, but those of us in male bodies tend to most easily identify as “home”.
Nearly all cultures in the past included transitional “rituals” that supported men in cultivating this inner energy as they grew from being boys into men.
Almost all men have at least one experience in their life they can point to where they felt the power of masculine energy through a father, mentor, or elder of some sort.
Part of the crisis of modern masculinity is that this chain of transmission has been broken as the rituals and cultural structures supporting it have disappeared.
And it IS a transmission, it is NOT something you can just read about in a book. When we’re in it’s presence our mirror neurons kick in and we “get” what healthy masculine really looks, acts, and feels like. Our energy bodies become “conditioned” to depth when we spend time with other men with healthy masculine energy.
It’s also why working with “just” a female dating coach rarely works – as it’s much rarer (though not impossible) to find women that truly have a masculine essence as their home and understand the experience of how its lives in a male body. It’s why in the program I run we have BOTH, me AND a female coach to work with you on transforming your inner energy and dating life.
Plus, here’s the secret I’ve discovered OVER and OVER: when you shift and deepen your masculine energy, the external stuff starts to handle itself.
But if you don’t, no matter what job you get, how fit you become, or how many books on dating you read, your true energy underneath won’t shift and truly radiant women will feel it immediately and keep looking for it elsewhere.
Watch my free BEYOND THE NICE GUY webinar that teaches 5 keys shifts on the road to mastering masculine energy then and book a FREE call with me if you’re COMMITTED and READY to get some help on your dating journey.