The Power of Embodiment in Your Sex & Love Life

All right. And welcome back. So on today's episode, I want to talk about the power of embodiment, specifically when it comes to your dating, relationship and sex life.

So embodiment is kind of just a fancy word for being in touch with and being aware of the moment to moment sensations inside your body. It's pretty basic as a concept, but it's actually quite advanced as something we have to learn to connect to moment to moment. There's so much about the modern age that actually runs counter to us being in our bodies.

Even more so, I'd say for us as men. So much of what the traditional masculine or men have been valued for in most cultures has actually been our ability to be disconnected from our bodies. There's an actual power in not being connected to that raw sensation, moment to moment. Specifically, when it comes to things like war, right?

When we are having to do the most awful things a human being can do, fighting someone else essentially, oftentimes trying to kill them, doing horrible things, it can actually be a huge advantage to not be connected to your body because it allows you to keep moving forward versus actually stopping and feeling the impact of what you're doing.

So in a lot of ways, many cultures have focused on men going away and going to war. Not all cultures, right? Just speaking in general here, but oftentimes it was the men who were sent off to war as more of a disposable commodity, and those same men who could in some ways be more effective if they weren't in their bodies. Now we also see the kind of false power of disembodiment, even in the concept of work.

Right. I see this a lot in men I work with, particularly the lone wolf men of, well, I'm just going to disconnect from my body and push forward. I'm going to work harder, even though maybe I'm totally exhausted, even though I'm physically in pain, even though I'm emotionally in pain, right? There's a way we can disconnect from all that and just keep moving forward.

And there's a way our cultures celebrate that, right? He's tough, he's a tough guy, keeps going no matter what, he pushes forward, he's driven. You know, a lot of the things we celebrate men for in our culture to a large extent have to do with being disembodied. And most of us have not been encouraged to nor we're given the training to actually get into our bodies.

So what's the flip though? Why is it good to be in your body? There's a range to this thing called embodiment on one level, the most basic level, and what I would argue is the most important level is just being tapped into and being able to connect to name the raw physical sensations in your body at any moment and generally where they're located. Right. So, ooh, yeah, I'm feeling some heat in my lower back, or I notice my shoulders are tensing up as you say that.

Or I felt a burst of energy right across the crown of my head. No right or wrong way to speak to these sensations, but it takes practice just to know them and particularly to be able to speak them in real time. Now, I would also argue that there's another layer to embodiment that includes those just raw physical sensations, but adds a little bit more.

Technically they call this interoception, which is really the ability to kind of name one's inner experience. I'm feeling grief, or I notice I'm feeling disgust and there's a hollowness in the pit of my stomach. So it kind of starts to add a layer of emotions in addition to that raw physical sensation. Now, that level in particular, I think is so powerful for us men when it comes to intimacy in relationships.

And so there's two specific areas I want to talk about that are just game changers for why being embodied can improve your dating life, it can improve your marriage, your long term relationship, and it can improve, yeah, your sex. So the first area, and probably one of the most powerful ones, it's pretty simple. And it really stems from attraction happens in the body.

That's right, attraction happens in your body. So what we call turn on or attraction actually happens in the physical part of your body. There's physical sensations. There are physical sensations that ripple through your body when you're attracted to someone or when you're feeling attraction to someone. Now why is that important? Well, I've talked on the show before about this idea of polarity, Right.

Something we often speak about in terms of masculine and feminine energy. And that's one of the most popular ways we often break that down. But polarity really kind of means, you know, what's happening over here has consequences for what you're experiencing over there. Right. It creates a polarity. Any two things in relationship create A field, an energy between them that is different than what they might just be individually.

So there's a polarity to being in our bodies. When we're feeling attraction in our bodies, that's often what can actually help the person we're with, support them feeling in their bodies what they're noticing. And as I teach a lot of the men I work with, it's often the masculine desire that facilitates and opens up and kickstarts the feminine desire.

Meaning as we connect to our desire, that's part of what will allow our feminine partner to connect to her desire. Now, if we're not in our bodies and we're not actually connecting to that ourselves, that has a polarity which will impact what our partner is feeling, right? So us nice guys often fall into this trap of not wanting to be a macho jerk, a sex predator creep, all those different things.

And so we'll actually kind of hold back, shut down, or disconnect from our own sexuality to make it safe for any woman we're with. That's super admirable. It's awesome. It's a powerful thing to be clued into the feminine experience and care about it in that way. But it has consequences because if we're not connected to our body, she's going to feel that, other men are going to feel that, and that's going to have again, a big consequence.

If we're not right with and okay with and noticing and connecting to our desire, it'll make it feel a little bit off with whoever we're with, particularly someone we're actually attracted to. And so the practice of embodiment, of getting connected to our raw physical sensations, really powerful when it comes to our sexuality. As we start to notice in our bodies when attraction is happening and as we connect to that sensation that's creating a polarity with whoever we're with, they can feel us connecting to that energy in our body.

And when it's the right container with someone we do have a connection with, we do have rapport with, we might already be in relationship with, or we might just be getting to know us connecting to our desire, us connecting to our attraction in that way is gonna lead that partner into connecting to their own attraction and noticing what's happening in their body. It's one of the great powers of embodiment is just this realization that, that, yeah, attraction and desire happen in your body.

So if you're not in your body as a man connecting to that energy, it's going to have massive consequences for you in your relationship. And your capacity to generate polarity and intimacy with the women you're wanting to. Now, the other incredibly important thing, the second area that makes embodiment a game changer when it comes to relationships is how it allows us to lead.

So again, here we are. This idea that oftentimes us men get stuck in our heads, not in our bodies. And so many men I work with, including myself, in days past, and yeah, even sometimes now, when we get stuck in our heads and overthink things and ruminate, that's where we get anxious. That's where we second guess ourselves. That's where we're trying to figure things out or do it right.

And that too has major consequences on dating, relationships and attraction. Instead, when we're in our bodies, when we're connected to our bodily experience, that's where we learn to lead from everything we need to lead in a relationship can be given to us. If we just get into our bodies. It starts there. That raw sensation, that raw data will give us the moment to moment clues about how to lead next, where to take things by just noticing what's happening in our bodies, which you might have guessed it, when we get into our bodies and connect it to our physical sensation, it makes it easier to connect to that and others as well.

And so as men, as we get embodied and get connected to the clues and raw sensations that our body's giving us moment to moment, we're also going to get a lot more connected and sensitive to whoever we're with and what's happening in their body. And so in a traditional heteronormative kind of cisgender relationship, a lot of words there, but it's mostly who I work with, guys who are connecting with women that's going to help us connect to what's happening in our woman's body, whether we're on a date with her, in a relationship with her, or being intimate with her.

And her body will give you all the clues you need about where she's at and what might need to happen next. Meaning, is this a time to get closer to her? Does she need a jacket? Is it cold out? Is she feeling connected and open to me, or is she feeling closed right now or disconnected? All of that information in her and in yourself, moment to moment happens in your body and it's what allows you to lead in an intuitive way without overthinking things.

Now, it doesn't mean you have a magic superpower and get everything right all the time, but I guarantee you're going to get more right. Take More chances and be more present and attuned. When you lead from that place of being in your body than you would from being in your head. You don't have to have some kind of huge strategy or game plan when you're acting from that place, when you're connecting moment to moment to what's happening in your body, real leadership, real vulnerability starts there.

Just requires you to pay attention to what's happening to you, to what's happening to her. And it allows you to take the driver's seat in a much deeper way. Because oftentimes our bodies will reveal truths that our minds might not even know yet, might not even know how to put words to, or might have some blocks around, right? There's a way our bodies can react in such a pure way that can sometimes be a mismatch for what we might say, right?

When we invite someone to, like, hey, I'd love to take you to this thing. And they're like, sure, that sounds great. But you can tell they're a little closed, right? Versus, hey, hey, I'd like to take you to this thing. And there's like a yeah, right? And boom. Everything that happened in that first little breath and the reaction of her body tells you what you need to know. Her body opened. It's a yes. There's interest, there's energy there.

And when we learn to surf that moment to moment, we can be such powerful leaders that can really move things forward in a way a lot of women are longing for. That isn't just dominating. That isn't just my way or the highway, because it's attuned, it's noticing what's happening for her. And if you want to be an incredible lover, when you can get to the place where you are feeling or intuiting what's happening for her before she even has to name, can create a powerful type of connection, right?

When you can kind of anticipate what might be true for her, what might be right for her, what her body needs, what her heart needs. And it makes intimacy so much easier as well, particularly for guys that get nervous early on in dating and relationships about making a move. Because instead of having to figure it out with your head, you're just tuning into all the data you're getting in your body where you might not have to stop every second of the way and second guess and question yourself.

Is, is it this time? Is it this time? Instead, when you're in your body, you're going to get so much data from yourself, from the woman you're with it's going to make it much easier to navigate that. And if you're in your body and you're not getting any data from her, that's your answer, right? That's the no. You can feel that you have the power to feel that very early on. And it's when men are disconnected from that back in that kind of disembodiment, they're out of their bodies, not feeling their partners.

That's what makes for the destructive part of the masculine, the pathological part that we've seen really be exposed in these last years of how dangerous it can be when men are not in their bodies, not connected to their feelings. That's what she doesn't want. She wants you to be in your body. She wants to feel you feeling her. That creates trust, that creates safety. And so there are so many other benefits to getting embodied long term that extend way beyond just intimacy and dating and relationships.

But it's one of the most powerful areas where you can see major shifts right away by learning to get into your body, in having practices and tools to help you stay connected there. If you're ready to get more deeply embodied yourself and want to get my support, watch my free training Evolutionary Men webinar and then book a free call afterwards and we can talk about you joining my powerful group coaching program all about masking on embodiment, polarity, dating and relationships.

Until next time.