Co-Ed Work Matters Too (with Violet Lange)

Jason Lange: All right, and welcome back on today's episode. I'm super excited to have my lovely wife Violet Lang on, and we're going to be talking about something a little different than what I'm normally chatting about on this show. So if you're a regular listener, you know, I'm pretty much talking about men's work week in and week out here on this show.

Violet Lange: But.

Jason Lange: But today we're going to talk about the importance of co ed work and that co ed work matters, too. And specifically, we're going to be talking about a new program that Violet is going to be running that I think a lot of you guys should definitely check out. So, Violet, why don't you tell the guys a little bit about what you're cooking up?

Jason Lange: Yeah. So if it's not clear, what we're talking about here is getting experience relating to the opposite sex. And so most of the guys listening to the show are going to be men. So, yeah, getting practice relating to women, whether you're already in a relationship or not. A Lot of these tools can be sharpened up and applied in some pretty different ways. And for guys that have worked with me, you may have actually experienced some of this before in terms of Violet and I actually doing some co ed workshops between our two communities. But this has kind of taken it to a whole new level where you get consistent practice for many weeks. And what would you say is the, you know, the benefit to the actual. Even though it's virtual FaceTime that men might get in this program, One of.

Violet Lange: The key wins or experiences that people really commented on at the end of the last Radiant Love cohort was just how nice it was to be seen to be seen as good men by a group of women. To be seen for the ways that they are showing up, that they are being in their masculine, that they do have good hearts, but they do try to communicate respectfully. I think sometimes men just don't get seen for the great men that they are. And they might not have had the experience of, let's say, like eight women at a time, showering them with appreciation or with praise or even in a breakout room, one on one, for someone to say, wow, you're really embodying, you know, the wild man, like, in a. In a way that's really awakening something in me. So. So both Jason and I do a lot of work with archetypes, and when we're first working with archetypes, it can feel safer to do in the company of the same sex or people that we just feel really safe with or that we've known for a while. But then sometimes you kind of want to try that archetype out in the world, and this is like a step towards doing that in a very safe container. And I also just want to caveat that this isn't just about men being in masculine energy and women being in feminine energy. Because in my program and other programs that I do as well, like, we want to have the full range, and it's fun to play with the full range. So when I said wild man, it could be a wild person. You know, like a woman can be in her wildness energy, and a man can be in his damsel, in distress and distress energy in quotations. You know, he can be vulnerable, or he can have needs, or he can desire, you know, safety and protection. So it's really about experiencing all of these different energies and all of the range of energies, getting feedback on those and giving yourself a sp. A safe space to really play full out. You know, for instance, some of the women I work with, they really like the idea of playing with slut energy, but they're not sure how to bring that into the world. Like, how do I bring my slut into the world? It doesn't necessarily feel safe to them all the time. But in a container like this, with people that they get to know over the course of 14 weeks, and with safe, you know, kind of guidelines and agreements and structure, then you can try some of these things out and see what lands, what doesn't land. And you might find that in one breakout room, something really lands with, with a woman. And in another breakout room, it doesn't quite as much. But that also gives you the confidence to say, you know, who I am might not be for everyone, but for the woman that is right for me. It's really going to make an impact. And I can trust that I can have that positive feedback loop in my body.

Jason Lange: And I actually just want to take a moment to pause here for a second just in case. Listen. There's people listening who don't know. Look, when you say archetypes, that's something you and I know. And I think people that have worked with us might know. But if I. If a guy's listening and he's like, well, what do you mean archetypes? Like, how will we be using those and what are those?

Jason Lange: Yeah, that's great. Sounds like another important component that you really get in this co ed work and why it can be so important is space for feedback in a way that particularly I think for single people out there, you don't necessarily always get in the dating world because it's, you know, either just a date or two or you don't even get past, you know, chat or get ghosted or whatever that might be. So how does feedback kind of play a part in this system? And why, what did, what did you see in the first cohort kind of emerge because of it?

Violet Lange: Yeah, the feedback that I offer is, or that I offer people to give each other is using a structure that sound in authentic relating and other types of intentional communication, which is just I felt you the most win, which kind of tells you when your biggest energy came through or when they felt the purity of what you were offering. Also what I would have wanted more of, you know, which tells you what you could do more of in the future, kind of building on what you already did. Well, or, you know, something I was really wanting. And similar to what I just said, something I want more of is something I'm really wanting. Could be something totally different, you know, let's say you're playing with the, I'll just use an example. Let's say you're playing with the like exalted saint or something. And the person says, you know, I could have used a little more compassion. I, I wanted more compassion. Maybe you were thinking exalted state in terms of being like enlightened Buddha, but you were super still as a mountain. And someone says, I could have used more compassion. It means like, ah, I wanted to feel your heart more. You know, I wanted more heart energy. So most of the feedback happens in breakout rooms one on one. It's not like you're getting assessed or something. It's also not like you're getting shared all these things in front of a bunch of people. This is in one on one sessions and breakout rooms. And then in the large group, the feedback is really more of like what I appreciated about my partner in that session, the ways they really touched me. I've learned and grown from this call in these ways. Like we're really focused on uplifting feedback because I think that's the best way to learn and grow. And in my experience, no matter your gender, no matter your life experience experience, humans are sensitive. Like we're just deeply sensitive creatures. And so we want to respect and honor that. And I also just want to say that we've talked a lot about archetypes, but archetypes are only three out of the 16 or 14 weeks. Excuse me. So you know, they're a fraction of it. But they are a very important part because we don't get a lot of that practice, and the other thing I want to mention that we don't always get a lot of practice in is how to work through conflict. So another chunk of the Radiant Love program and of the work that Jason and I do together is clearing resentments, talking about what we need in our relationship, and we do those role plays in this program because most people say that working through conflict is one of the hardest and most stressful parts of their relationship. So whether you're dating or in relationship, you know, these tools can help you feel more comfortable and confident speaking those hard truths.

Jason Lange: Yeah, absolutely. I really want to highlight the importance of a. Getting that feedback because, you know, we can work a lot with you as men in a lot of the work I do. But, you know, to some extent, some of that's just the scrimmage for what a lot of men want, which is deeper relating out in the world, particularly with the opposite sex. And these two things go hand in hand. Like, you got to be doing your own personal work, and then there's also a time and place to. To bring it out past that. And containers like this are a really rare and special way to do that in a safe environment where you can then get that interactive component and actually kind of learn as you go. I also imagine, you know, hearing what you shared, that one of the cool things is just getting to experience different people, Which I know for a lot of single guys that I work with, you know, they might not be sure exactly what they're looking for in a relationship or dating, but the opportunity to kind of interact in this real, vital way that you've created and then gives gives men an opportunity to kind of see, like, oh, yeah, I like this energy. I like that energy. And get a deeper, embodied sense of what they're looking for back out in the world. Not just like a theoretical thing, but, like, oh, yeah, that actually felt really good, and I imagine sometimes in surprising ways to people that participated.

Violet Lange: Absolutely. You know, there's different flavors of every personality and type of. Of human. So we have these ideas or these stories like, oh, my ex wife was really closed, so I want someone really open, you know, and we might meet someone in this group who's not quite as open as we thought we wanted, but is super witty or super funny or dresses in a really stylish way or, you know, has their own unique flavor. And the person might realize, oh, I thought I really wanted openness, but what I really wanted is authenticity. I really wanted uniqueness. I really wanted kind of, yeah, bold, bold energy. And so it is a great way to feel into these different textures of the feminine to clarify what you want and to clarify what feels good in your body and what brings you the most juice. One of the breakout rooms, after we came out, came out of the breakout rooms and got back together as a group, someone had shared. You know, I've never been touched in this way by the feminine, by someone I least expected to, because very different age, ages and different cultural backgrounds. And just they were both crying in that. In that recap of the breakout session because they both realized they'd been harboring some judgments about what they thought would be possible with a partner. So it was. It's just pretty cool to see the awakening, for lack of a better word, into more possibility and more growth.

Jason Lange: And we've. So far, I think I've kind of mostly been alluding to single people being able to participate here. But. So how does this work? Like, can you do this if you're a couple or you're already in a relationship?

Jason Lange: Awesome. So, yeah, take note those you guys that are married or in relationships and looking for ways to bring a little bit more depth. This is an experience you could actually go through with your partner if you so wanted, which I think would be pretty amazing. And so what's the best way for guys to find out more about the program and how to join?

Violet Lange: Yeah, so the best way right now is to just email me because if we have spots left, then I will send you all the details and if we don't, then I can put you on the waitlist for the next time that we do this program. So my email is violet. Com and you can reach me there. You know, you can follow me on social media and stuff as well too. But I'm really more interested in creating these deep experiences and deep practice containers. So. So I don't do a ton of posting on social media. The best way is probably just to email me and we can go from there.

Jason Lange: All right, guys, there you have it. Awesome opportunity to work with my amazing wife and get some really deep experiential practice relating with the opposite sex and filling up your toolkit with all kinds of different things that you can bring into either your existing relationship or the one you're going to be stepping into. So I definitely recommend checking it out and get all the information you can and join soon.

Violet Lange: Thanks for having me.

Jason Lange: If you're interested in working with me around dating relationships or your masculine presence in the world, just go to Evolutionary Men Apply.