Be a Man She Can Push Into, Not a Man She Can Pushover

All right, and welcome back. So on today's episode, I'm going to be talking about a pretty powerful dynamic you can create in intimate relationships.

And I'm going to be speaking about it in heteronormative terms. So pretty much man dating a woman. But these dynamics can be applied in any kind of relationship or constellation. Now, this dynamic I'm going to talk about can really be boiled down to this. You want to be a guy she can push into, not be a guy she can push over. Now what do I mean by that? Well, let's start with push over.

So I work with a lot of self proclaimed nice guys. This is something I consider myself in many, many ways. Nice guys are often guys that are sharp, smart, sensitive, have open hearts, are very caring, but generally shut down their power, drive, instinct, and to some extent, some bits of their own ego. Now, that's not inherently a terrible thing.

We want to have a balance in all these areas. But for many men I work with kind of overdo that a little bit. And so that starts to add up in this please and appease pattern as they can become kind of pushovers. And what I mean by that is instead of leading the relationship and leading from a place of being deeply connected to themselves, what they want, what they desire, what they need, they're putting their partner's needs and desires exclusively above their own.

You can think of this as not being very rooted in oneself. So the pushover piece is, well, I change my mind a lot, or I just do what she wants, or I go with the flow. Now, every relationship is gonna have some compromise. So this is not about being totally my way or the highway, but it is about staying connected to oneself and being able to stay grounded and present even in conflict or tension with our intimate partner.

Back force meaning just resistance, right? A pushing back into them. So there's a meeting of the energy. And I've physically seen this before in terms of, yes, partners actually pushing into me. And I've seen this emotionally before of just that deep capacity we can cultivate, as mentioned, to sit, be present and just keep welcoming. Everything from our partner inviting her full expression out.

Particularly for guys that are dating women, like I said we'd be talking about today, one of the places a lot of women don't really feel comfortable going is anger. Like real anger, not just snippy anger, passive aggression, but actually allowing anger and heat to, to move through their bodies can become a very scary thing for a lot of women because a, it's not safe or they were raised in households that wasn't safe. They've been around men that couldn't handle that and would try to diffuse that or move that or blame or defend.

But by becoming a man she can push into, what you're saying is, yeah, I want all that. I want to know when you're upset. I want to know when you're angry. I don't want you to hide any part of you. I don't want you to hide any part of yourself from me. You can push into me. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here. And in fact, you pushing in is going to be met by me pushing back just a teeny bit to let you know I am here and I can hold you and I Can meet this, meet this part of you.

I can meet this energy in you. Having that capacity takes practice, takes training, takes a willingness to go to some pretty vulnerable places or go to some pretty scary places, go to some places that may not feel particularly good in the moment because we don't know where it's going to go. But by being a partner that she can push into, that's going to create such a deep layer of trust and safety long term, versus being a partner that she can just push over, right?

That soon as anything negative or something stormy or full of tension comes your way, you please and appease and kind of just wave to the side or do what it takes to settle her down or make her feel better or whatever that might be. She's not going to be able to trust you and she's going to see whether you're dodging, defending, collapsing that, ah, I can't bring my full self.

There's a part of myself I have to hold here because he can't, was unwilling to or doesn't want that part of me. And that'll change the nature of your relationship. Hands down. Hands down. Anytime a feminine partner is having to track and hold parts of her expression that's preventing her from falling even more deeply into openness, flow and her feminine expression.

Now, like I said, I've been talking about this in the context of men and women, but that dynamic can happen in any type of couple. We all have both of these energies inside of us and we all are expressing or holding different mixtures of them at any given time. Being a grounded, still open, deep presence that not only allows our partner to sink into us, but actually to push into us.

Push into us with their energy, their anxieties, their anger, their upset. That can create a deep level of connection and trust because it fosters an experience of, wow, I can go anywhere with this person, I can bring my full self and not only will he meet me in it and he'll actually meet me in it. It's the importance of the connection.

That's the importance of not just immediately going to the please and appease, that's the importance of us standing our ground, staying connected to ourselves in the process, right? Staying connected to our power, to our wants, our desires, our vision, even if it's not exactly in alignment with our partners, but there's a willingness to keep welcoming. More, more, more, more. I want more.

Don't hold back, bring it more. Give me everything, push into me with your full expression or depending on the type of experience you're having push into me physically with your body, like bring it to me. Let it all out. Making the shifts to become the kind of man that your partner can push into versus push over is a key part of becoming a healthy, embodied, integrated, modern masculine leader.

Until next time.