You aren’t deep enough.
It’s not about having six pack abs, the perfect hairline, a massive salary, or a fancy sports car. Those are all surface and shallow representations of what the feminine is really craving from the masculine: depth.
What is depth? It is the combination of three important qualities.
1) Your Awareness
You must be aware, ie, CONSCIOUS. How much are you aware of in any given moment? Consciousness, or the ability to witness what is in realtime is an essential component to having masculine depth. A lack of awareness is one of the BIGGEST turn offs to the feminine (and to anyone for that matter).
Expanding your awareness is a must! Your ability to notice, and be conscious of what’s happening in yourself, the woman you’re with, and the world around you is key, and it’s sexy as fuck!
Being aware of yourself means being conscious of how you’re dressed, your grooming, and the cleanliness of your living environment. It also means having a high level of intereoception, which is being aware of your INNER LANDSCAPE. Knowing what you’re feeling in the moment is foundational to being a conscious and aware man.
You must also be aware of her experience, inside and out. Is she cold? Does she look uncomfortable because of the noise? Does it feel like her heart is hurting? Awareness is what allows you to attune to a woman so she feels met, seen, and safe. It’s also what drives you noticing the things she loves which when remembered and reflected back in action will make her feel incredibly loved, seen, and romanced. It also means being aware of how her experience as a woman is DIFFERENT than yours as a man. IE, don’t ask her to meet you in a shady part of downtown late at night. Know that she has to protect herself and her safety in a moment to moment way that you probably haven’t had to.
Finally, it also means being aware of your environment. What’s going on AROUND the two of you and in the world. This is the part of your awareness that notices who’s around, what’s happening in the environment, and is tracking where you’re going.
Awareness is something you develop with intentional practice and time, be it through meditation, learning, and/or spending time with those more conscious than you.
2) Your Embodiment
This is similar to awareness, but stands alone because it’s totally possible to be aware but NOT in your body. Depth requires that you be EMBODIED, ie, you must be present and connected in your body. This means staying in relationship to your breath and the physical sensations you’re having on a moment to moment basis. Meditation ALONE will not bring embodiment. Kundalini, Qi Gong, Martial Arts, Yoga, Breath-work, Strength Training, hiking, etc are all examples of practices that will help you become more embodied.
Time and time again, women I’ve worked with talk about not being able to “feel” a man below his head, which is just another way of saying disembodied. Being able to feel a man from head to toe is part of what makes him TRUSTABLE. This also mean you must have a strong connection to your ROOT/POWER center, which is the place we set boundaries from and where our sexuality lives. If you’re disconnected or uncomfortable with your sexual desire, you are not embodied and you will be less trustable.
Our bodies are incredible antennae, and having a deeper connection to them is a crucial piece to us being able to attune to and feel those around us. Embodiment INCREASES awareness. It is nearly impossible to be embodied but unaware, whereas its very easy to be aware but disembodied.
Many spiritual traditions actually promote this type of disembodiment for cultural, spiritual, and political reasons I won’t go more into here other than it’s in our bodies that both empathy and sexuality live, which are both destabilizing forces when it comes to controlling populations.
Embodiment also means being in touch with what your body is doing in any given moment, IE how you’re standing, moving, and walking. If your shoulders are slumped, you are fidgeting, or your eyes are darting around you are not fully in your body, and again, you are not as trustable as a man.
3) Your Impact
The final ingredient that leads to depth is IMPACT. In short, what type of impact are you making on the world?
For a long time are culture said as long as you provide safety and security for your immediate family, your duties as a man were complete. That is no longer the case, and we now live in a more complex and interconnected world than ever before.
Creating safety and security for your immediate family isn’t enough anymore, and impact is essentially the barometer for how much safety and security you create for ever wider and more expansive circles around you. In essence, how many lives are you improving through your presence, leadership, business/work, and relationships.
This doesn’t mean you have to win a Nobel prize, but it does mean you should be looking for ways to SERVE others. This is the idea behind the rising tide lifts all boats. The more impact you have in the world, the more you’re uplifting and improving the lives of those around you. A man that is aligned with his purpose and making an impact is a man that women notice.
Impact goes hand in hand with leadership, whether that’s at your church, men’s group, softball team, or in your community. Becoming a big brother, volunteering for a non profit, starting an open mic night, there’s UNLIMITED opportunity for you to step up into your leadership and MAKE AN IMPACT on the world around you.
What is your legacy?
Did you create a thriving local business that brought money, stability, and joy to countless families in your community?
Did you write that book that tells some deep truth you’re compelled to share with the world?
Did you start and lead a men’s group to create spaces for other men in your life to be real and vulnerable?
Did you step up and create experiences for you children and their friends that get them off their phones and into the world?
Only you know what your legacy should be. Only you know what impact you’re avoiding making on the world.
Depth is Attractive
Here’s the truth, men that are aware, embodied, and making an impact will ATTRACT more money, opportunity, and amazing people into their lives; they are magnetic.
It is a reality of relational physics and polarity that the feminine is attracted to depth. So if you want to attract more quality women into your life, YOU MUST DEEPEN as a man and become more aware/conscious, embodied, and have a greater impact.
Want help deepening as a man?