“You’re being too sensitive!”
Have you ever been with a woman, be it a spouse, family member, or friend, and thought or said that phrase?
It points to one of the most profound shifts that modern men can make when relating to women, and that’s becoming aware of how deeply women feel.
As men, one of our gifts, and our struggles, is our ability to dissociate from our bodies and emotions. We can spend hours, days, and even years mostly up in our heads, lost in our thoughts, sometimes barely even paying attention to what’s going on in our emotional and physical bodies.
The same is NOT the case for women. For a host of physiological reasons, women are far more attuned to their physical bodies (she’s not kidding when she says your hands are rough!) and far more in touch with their emotions on a moment to moment basis.
Learning to celebrate this exquisite sensitivity is one of greatest opportunities to step up in dating and relating as a man. The first step to doing so is by honing and opening up our ability to feel more deeply. The same circuitry that allows us feel our own sensations and emotions more fully, also allows us to “tune in” and feel what’s happening for those around us, which has profound implications for our relationships.
In short, it provides an opportunity for a less outdated form of chivalry when we shift our focus to protecting her heart.
Heart is such a perfect word for it, as it refers not only to a physical thing, but also an emotional thing. Learning to slow down as a man (particularly in SEX!), becoming increasingly aware of what’s happening in the environment and how it may impact our partner, and fine tuning our ability to recognize when something is “off” emotionally between us, are just a few examples of protecting her heart.
When we do so, it creates even more trust and safety between us and our partner, allowing her to relax, and open herself even more. In short, safety creates the baseline for even more sensitivity. The more you protect her heart, the more she will open to you, sharing her vulnerability and energy with you emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. Her sensitivity then becomes not something to deride, but to CELEBRATE, and can evoke our warrior within.
When approaching relating from this perspective, we relish the opportunity to talk about something difficult that’s bothering her, keeping our environment clean and organized, and learning to move at her pace when being physically intimate. It also requires that we learn to stay present and connected when we don’t protect her heart as is bound to happen from time to time. Allowing her to give us feedback about what we missed, and allowing ourselves to feel into the pain it’s caused her system helps fine tune our awareness even more moving forward.
Ready to reboot your dating and relating life, dive inwards, and cultivate your ability to protect her heart? I have a few Discovery Session Calls open in the next few days. On the call, we’ll explore what roadblocks might be in your way when it comes to deep connection with women. If it feels like a good fit for us to work together, I’ll share more about my powerful transformational dating program for men. If not, you’ll have a much better roadmap for moving forward in your love life. Everyone wins.