There's a moment every man will face where his body simply won't let him push through anymore, whether that's illness, an accident, or just the slow arrival of old age, and when that day comes, what you'll have to lean on is the relationships you built long before you needed them. That's the thread running through my conversation on The Growth Mindset, where we got into what actually shapes a man's capacity to connect, to lead, and to be trusted by the people who matter to him.
I talked about where this work started for me, growing up in a family of neglect and never being taught how to connect to my body, my emotions, or the people around me, and how that isolation followed me into my twenties until I found my first men's group. We got into what a men's group actually is, not a hangout, but a container where guys put their attention on what's really going on, where the pain is, what they're longing for, and what keeps getting in their own way. We talked about the numbers too, how in 1990 less than three percent of men reported having no close friends, and by 2021 that number was over fifteen percent, and how so many guys are caught between the old dominating model of masculinity and the soft, boundary-less nice guy version, neither of which gets them what they actually want.
We also spent real time on shadow work, on how the patterns running our lives, the explosions, the shutdowns, the numbing, are old protective mechanisms we built when something was too much to feel, and how making that conscious is what gives us choice back. And underneath all of it was this idea of men's groups as shock absorbers, not removing the bumps in the road but helping you actually survive them with people beside you.
Where in your life are you still trying to carry it all alone, and what would it look like to let someone else see that?
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Host (The Growth Mindset): I'm Sir Jesse. Welcome to another great episode of the Growth Mindset interview, where we explore conversations that inspire personal growth, healthier relationships, and a more purposeful life. So today's guest is Jason Lynch, a men's embodiment coach, group facilitator, and evolutionary guide. Jason is a Certified no More Mr. Nice Guy Coach who helps men develop greater self awareness, build authentic relationships, and discover a deeper sense of purpose. Through his work, he believes every man can benefit from the support, accountability, and transformation that comes from behind parts of a men's group. So, Jesse, once again, welcome to the interview. It's an honor and a pleasure to have you with us.
Jason Lange: Awesome. Thanks for having me. Excited to be here.
Host (The Growth Mindset): All right, Jason, thank you very much. So here we'll be diving through the questions now the interview. So here's my first question. Jason, what led you into men's work and how did it transform your own life?
Jason Lange: Sure. Yeah. My journey to menswork really started from coming from a family of neglect and like many men, not being taught how to connect to my body, how to connect to my emotions, and thus really how to connect to other people. And as I grew into a teenager and a young man, that created all kinds of issues for me in terms of depression, loneliness, lack of connection, in my case, with women. And it was so painful, I decided I need to. Needed to change something. And that got me on a journey of healing and growth, of which the most important step was actually getting into my first men's group in my 20s and learning what it means to really be in connection, in brotherhood with other men who have a healthy connection to themselves, their bodies, their emotions. And rather than walking around with the typical frame of masculinity, which is don't feel anything, don't be weak, which catches up to us guys over a lifetime, it was learning that, hey, together in community, we can process the challenges and pains of life and become even more resilient moving forward.
Host (The Growth Mindset): All right, Jason, thank you very much. That was really a wonderful journey. Thank you very much. So, Jason, what is the men's group, and why do you believe every man should be part of one?
Jason Lange: Yeah, a men's group is basically a collection of guys who meet at a semi regular schedule once a week, twice a month, something like that. And the purpose of the men gathering is not to just hang out and socialize, but it's actually to go deep. So often we sit in a circle. And the purpose of a men's group is to put our attention on each other. And what's really going on in life, which for most men comes down to, where are we in pain? How are we trying to manage that? And what are we longing for in our lives that we're struggling to move closer towards? And what gets in the way, which ding, ding, ding. Not all the time, but often ends up being ourselves. Our patterns, our habits, the ways we try to protect ourselves often actually prevent us from getting the very things we want the most. So a men's group sits guys down and it puts the attention on what. What's in the way, what are we having trouble with? And for some men, what that looks like is getting support. Literally having somewhere to show up where they're allowed to share their stress, their burden, their pain without being shamed or judged. And for other men, it's about being held accountable. So providing a vision for our life and then having other men reflect to us how we're actually showing up on the journey to that and what we found. What I've seen is men who get into this kind of community, they become more healthy, and they get more of what they want in life because they're able to ride the waves of challenge and difficulty much more successfully when they're in community. In the story that we're supposed to do everything alone as men, that's one of the most harmful stories most men prescribe to. And a men's group is a direct interruption, an antidote to that.
Host (The Growth Mindset): All right, Jason, thank you very much. So, Jason, what are the biggest challenges men are facing in today's world?
Jason Lange: Yeah, for a lot of men, it does come down to loneliness and isolation. And this question they have of what does it mean to be a man anymore? So many of the models we've had of masculinity are falling apart and, frankly, just aren't enough. They leave men in serious dire straits. Suicide rates are three and a half to four times higher for men. In 1990, it was less than 3% of men reported having no close friends. By 2021, that was already up over 15%. Technology, the Internet, work from home, all of this stuff is swirling together to put additional pressure on men to basically be alone. And then we're not taught the tools for what it means to connect and actually be in relationship. So many men that come to me, they're tired, they're just exhausted. They're in pain. They're trying to hold together their whole life, and they don't know what to do. They don't know what to be. They don't want to be the old caveman that's my way. Or the highway dominating, using people, causing damage. But they've also probably tried the kind of more soft, sensitive, nice guy thing. And that doesn't get them what they want either, because then suddenly they can't set boundari. They're feeling resentful in life. People don't trust them. And so for so many men, not having a model of what healthy masculinity is, which is essentially a masculinity where we have a connection to our power, our balls, our strength, our desire and our heart, our openness, our sensitivity, our attunement, our deep care. When men learn to bring both of those online and not make it an either or something else radical becomes possible for them in their lives, particularly when they do that in community. And so many men are desperate and lost out there, and they want a sense of direction, belonging, and purpose. And getting into a men's group and community is one way to do that.
Host (The Growth Mindset): All right, Jason, thank you very much. That was great from you. So here's my next question. Jason, what is shadow work, and how can it help men become healthier and more authentic?
Jason Lange: Yeah, shadow work is a broad term for lots of things, but in the work I do with men, it's about being, coming conscious of the parts of us that are running the show without us realizing it. And essentially what this often points to is parts of our shadow. Right? We call it shadow work because if I'm like, hey, look at your shadow and you turn around and look, often it's hard for you to see it. But other people can often see our shadow very obviously when we're in relationship. So shadow work, what brings guys to shadow work often is, hey, there's this stuff I'm doing in my life. There's choices I'm making, reactions I'm having that I don't want to do. It doesn't create the life I want to be leading. But I keep doing it. Why? Why do I keep doing this? Why do I keep exploding when I get feedback from my partner? Why do I get really quiet whenever someone gets loud in the room, you know, whatever it is? And shadow work is the process of making that conscious. Okay, what is it that happened to me in my life that created certain habits in my nervous system for my body to try to protect itself? Because something happened to me often earlier in life that was so overwhelming or so painful, I never want to have to feel that again. So our bodies get really good at creating these very sophisticated mechanisms to try to prevent us from feeling that. Now the Problem is, when we're not conscious of that, this part of us is making decisions for us without our acknowledgment. Shadow work is the process of making that all visible so we can have more choice in our life and become more responsible. Right. Literally able to respond. The other piece of shadow work that often brings men to the table is it's a way to process and metabolize all of our old hurt, woundings, grief, anger, shame, fear that so many men don't know how to deal with. So instead, they just stuff it, dissociate from it, numb out to it, drink it away, smoke it away, try to have sex to get rid of it. And instead, shadow work says we're going to go right towards those challenging emotions. So instead of them running our lives, we can process and metabolize them to have more choice.
Host (The Growth Mindset): All right, Jason, thank you very much. So, Jason, how can men build stronger relationship with their partners, families, and communities?
Jason Lange: Yeah. Well, all the things we're talking about is for men to take responsibility for their pain, for their shadow, to get into community and connection with other deep, trustable men, and frankly, to learn how to be in our bodies as men connected to our emotions and able to communicate what we're experiencing in the moment. So many men keep so much locked up or bottled up inside, and oftentimes the relationships that matter the most to us, what people are craving from us men, is just our capacity to be deeply present. And if we have all this tension, fear, all the shadow locked up in our body, it's often really hard to do that, because one of the ways we often deal with all that kind of stuff is by numbing out and dissociating, like we said, becoming less present, or just getting stuck up in our heads and ruminating and overthinking things over all the time. So if you want to have better relationships as a man, whether it's your kids, your intimate partner, your family, the process is learn to get into your body in the moment and learn to share in real time what's happening for you. And that will create much deeper connection in your life.
Host (The Growth Mindset): All right, I'm Jason. Thank you very much. That was really amazing. I'm so, Jason, what practical habits can men develop to become more confidence, grounded, and emotionally resilient?
Jason Lange: Yeah, so the. I'm gonna kind of keep ding, ding, ding, dinging here, but I would say join a men's group. A men's group is gonna teach you as a man to slow down, get connected to your body, and become very present to what you're actually feeling inside. This is an incredible capacity and skill that men can te that makes us more trustable if we're not connected to what's actually happening inside of us. People around us can't trust us. So getting into a men's group and learning to receive feedback from men who care about us and aren't going to let us get away with bullshit, we're going to call us forward to be the best version of ourselves because they can see where often our habits, our patterning and our fear often get in the way. So if you're a man, it's one of the easiest things you can do is to join other men in community and be direct with them about what you're wanting to create in your life and then receive from them feedback around what they see is getting in the way.
Host (The Growth Mindset): All right, Jason, thank you very much. So, Jason, here is my final question of the interview. So if you could leave every man, every man listening with one piece of advice for living a more intentional and fulfilling life, what would this be? Hi, JC can you hear me? Hi, Jason, can you hear me?
Jason Lange: You there? I lost you.
Host (The Growth Mindset): Hi, Jason, can you hear me? Hi, Jason, can you hear me? Hi, Jason, can you hear me?
Jason Lange: Yeah, now you're back.
Host (The Growth Mindset): All right, thank you very much. So, Jason, I said here is my final question of the interview. If you could leave every man listening with one piece of advice for living a moment, intentional and fulfilling life, what would it be?
Jason Lange: Yeah, stop trying to do it all alone. Get into community and connection. I don't care how tough you think you are as a man, there will be a moment every man is confronted with in life where your body will fail you. It could come from illness, it could come from accident, or it could come from the one that's going to get us all old age. And at that moment when you can't physically push through and do the tough guy thing, what you're going to find is I have to fall back on the relationships I've built, and my capacity to receive support and care is going to matter. And what problem most men have is they wait till the emergency to see that they don't have those relationships yet, which makes the emergency even more of a crisis. One thing you can do now is to start developing those relationships with other people before the emergency. So when it hits, you have a support structure around you. Male connection, male community, men's groups, as I like to say, you can think of them as shock absorbers for your life. They're not going to get rid of the bumps in the road, but they're going to help you navigate them far more successfully.
Host (The Growth Mindset): All right, thank you very much. Really great on you. So here comes the hand of the question of the interview, Jason. So to our listeners, to the audience, thank you, everyone, for listening. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe, share this conversation with someone who could benefit from it and join us next time for another inspiring episode of the Growth mindset. So, Jason, once again, thank you very much. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and practical insight on masculinity, relationships, and personal growth. This has been a thoughtful and inspiring conversation. Thank you for your time, Jason.
Jason Lange: Beautiful. Thank you much. Have a great day.
Host (The Growth Mindset): All right, so just can you please tell the audience or the listeners how they can get access to your work?
Jason Lange: Yeah. Best way to keep up with me is to go to my website, which is evolutionary.men. so that's not.combut.men. on there, you'll find links to my social media, my podcast, writings, programs, everything you could ever want to know about masculinity, men's work, and men's group groups.
Host (The Growth Mindset): All right, Jason, so lastly, before.
