The Purpose of Men’s Work

All right, and welcome back. So today I want to talk about the purpose of men's work.

So men's work as a term is really starting to hit the mainstream. We are living in a cultural moment where men's work is going from this thing that was kind of rare to hard to find, underground, weird, whatever you might think of it. And it's getting to be pretty popular. And there's kind of an oncoming tidal wave of awareness around the work men need to do.

And that this is a movement that has, you know, been going on for a few decades, but it seems like is really starting to crest right now. And this movement is somewhat based in the fact that it's not that, you know, men's rights are totally being trampled, like some people think, or there's something tremendously wrong. It's more about the realization that the world is changing and it's changing fast, and we have to do some work to thrive in it.

And it's about this that I really want to dive into today to explore what I think is really the true purpose of men's work. And it's simple. It's to come alive, to actually feel alive in our bodies is the outcome, is the desired goal of so much of what men's work actually is. And the work I do with guys, the work being done in so many other configurations and communities, that's really what it comes down to, to help men feel alive again.

There's something that happens to us guys over time if we're not tied into this kind of work. And it's like a certain type of numbness or iciness or just kind of crust starts to accumulate on us psychically, emotionally, energetically, and even physically. And there's like a sense I'm not really alive.

I've talked to hundreds of guys over the last years, and that's a common refrain in men that end up coming to work with me is I ask them, do you feel like you're really living? Do you feel alive? And many of them will say, no. Now, the path to changing that, that's really what men's work is. And it's a constellation of all different kinds of things. And so you ask 10 different men's work teachers what it is I think you're going to get some different definitions, but underneath it, I think it's really about this coming alive thing of wanting to feel vital, energize and connected to our lives in a moment to moment way.

To have some excitement, to have some novelty, doesn't mean we won't be without challenge, but to actually feel engaged within our lives. This process of coming alive, you know, there's a lot of different ways we can approach it. Some of the work I do with men is more around embodiment. So it's around the physicality. How do we actually get energy and vitality into our bodies? How do we get more present and grounded and open in the moment?

This often involves different physical and spiritual practices that really force us to be in our bodies in the moment and to feel the raw sensations and impulses coursing through us, which almost always brings us alive, right? Aliveness not always, but often is inversely correlated to rumination in being in our heads.

When we're stuck up in our heads, our thoughts almost always have more to do with the past or the future than they do what's happening right now. And aliveness has to do with what's happening right now. So the more we're in our bodies and out of our heads, the more we're going to feel that aliveness. Now, some other flavors of men's work, particularly another flavor that I do is shadow work is this idea of opening our body and uncovering the unconscious parts of our nervous system of our minds that have been running the show for us for a long time.

And shadow work is really just about taking things that are under the surface and bringing them into the light. And when we bring them into the light with love and consciousness, they're often liberated. So these can be feelings, oftentimes of grief or rage or sadness or disgust or tremendous upset and overwhelm. The idea is we go in and we try to dig through ourselves and really see what's been in the shadows. What am I carrying with me through my life, moment to moment, that I don't always see, but that is still impacting me and how I'm showing up in the moment.

And this is one that also has a physical manifestation. I've done a lot of shadow work myself, doing a lot of shadow work with a lot of men. And as we get in there and uncover and metabolize some of this shadow material, oftentimes it's like our bodies change. There's more space, there's more fluidity, there's more breath. There's more openness, there's more ease. And when all those things are true, we often feel more vitality, we feel more alive.

Shadow work, the good kind, as scary and vulnerable as it can be, always leads to more vitality and aliveness. I've been shocked sometimes in my own experience and again in the experiences I've seen of men as I've guided them through it. How fast things can go in the moment. From being with some of the most unbearable pain imaginable they never thought they could be with, to the sudden shift of as they're with it, suddenly there's something else that can come in.

Laughter, humor, joy. And it was right there. But it couldn't be open, couldn't be expressed, couldn't flow through until these kind of kinks in the system that I've talked about before could be opened and ironed out through the shadow work. Now, other types of men's work you'll see are like connection based, which I also do a lot of. So just getting men connected to other men, helping men feel safe in a group environment to share themselves, reveal what they're struggling with, what they're working on, what's going well, what's not going well, to actually feel part of a community and some belonging with other men who will accept them, imperfections and all.

And again, connection when we have it. What I've seen in my more connective oriented experiences and events for men is it leads to more vitality. Guys come into a workshop or zoom room and they're tired, they're a little checked out. We do some of these connection practices and they leave more energized, they're more alive. And that vitality, that aliveness then follows them into their life.

There's also another type of kind of men's work that I'll name here which, which does have more to do with accountability in achieving and executing and getting things done right. The coaching paradigm in itself is often a part of this, of like, yeah, what do you want to move forward? Can we move it forward for you? What's in the way? What are you stuck with? What's blocking you? And there's some really powerful kind of men's communities and coaching that are focused around that accountability.

But again, what happens when we start achieving those things is we feel more alive. This is the thing so many of us men are craving. And it's the thing that's really at the foundation of what good men's work is. The different modalities I talked about and many of the different men's work practitioners out there, they're attacking this from different lenses, but really what it's about in the end is feeling alive in your body, being a yes, with enthusiasm to your life as it is, and being excited, and that's contagious.

And it's one of the great things about men's work. As we become alive in ourselves and are surrounded by other men doing the same, it tends to accelerate it for each other. Another man's wins become our wins. Another man stepping into his vulnerability helps us step into our vulnerability. And suddenly we're not just walking through life on autopilot anymore. We're alive. We're experiencing. We're engaging with a moment, as scary or unknown as it might be.

Moment to moment, we're engaging with the moment, as vulnerable as that might be. We're really with it, seeing what's going to happen next. That's really what this aliveness and vitality is about. Getting into nature is another powerful way for us men to come alive. And why? So much men's work involves getting guys disconnected from devices and electronics and their daily life and their Internet. Getting men into beautiful spaces outdoors where they can feel the aliveness of the earth, and connecting to that aliveness often brings us alive.

Nobody can bring you to life other than yourself. It's a conscious choice to step in and engage. All people like me or other coaches or facilitators can do is give you the set and setting for you to make that choice and step in. We can lay some of the structure and make it a little easier, hopefully. But ultimately, you gotta walk through that door. And there's a lot of men out there who just have this sense inside, like, is this it?

Doing all the things I'm supposed to be doing? Or the big thing that trips up a lot of men? I had this big goal. I've been following it forever. I thought once I got it, I would feel happy, I would feel alive. And now I've got it, and all I can think is, wait, is this it? Is there anything else? What's next? Cultivating aliveness as a daily practice is the purpose of men's work.

Whether it's work you're doing on your own, in a relational setting or a group setting, you want to come alive, and you want to do it in community. There's lots of opportunities through me and through other people in the men's work world to do this, but you gotta step through the door. How are you ready to come alive? How alive do you feel in your life? What feels dead or flat?

What would aliveness be like? When have you experienced it before? These are great questions to ask yourself, and I'd suggest doing a little work this week and journaling. See what comes up. Let me know. Shoot me an email jasonevolutionary med or drop me a comment on my website. I'd love to hear where are you at in your aliveness journey? And when you're ready for some help, I'm certainly here.

Until next time, if you're interested in working with me around dating, relationships, or your masculine presence in the world, just go to Evolutionary Men Apply.