All right. And welcome back. On today's episode, I want to talk about an incredibly powerful and important distinction for men who are wanting to date women.

Now, that's what I mostly coach guys on. That's what my personal experience is on. So that's what I'm going to be speaking towards today. Specifically, I want to distinguish the difference between a woman feeling safe with a man and a woman trusting a man. Now, some of these ideas are sourced in the work of an incredible mentor and friend of mine, Dr. Robert Glover, who literally wrote the book on nice guys.

No more Mr. Nice Guy. And we're going to start by exploring that idea of nice guys and safety. So nice guys, which are guys I tend to work a lot with and I do consider myself one of, are men who often prioritize making women feel safe above all else. Now, what do I mean by safe? Well, making it clear that we're not aggressive, that we're not just in it for the sexual, that we care about a woman's feelings and don't want to make her feel pressured.

For women, that safety often translates to, he's not going to come towards me. Right. He's not going to advance towards me, so I don't have to worry about that part and I can freely share my feelings with him. And there's often a lot of emotional connection between women and men in this kind of nice guy friend zone area of safety. Right now, this is totally different from the other thing I want to talk about tonight, which is having a woman fully trust you.

So there's a difference between a woman feeling safe around a man and a woman actually trusting a man, particularly in the more romantic, sexual and intimate sense. Right. Like I said, safety is more a feeling of, okay, this guy's not going to come at me. I don't feel his sexual energy online. So I can relax more into just sharing my feelings, sharing my emotion, connecting with this man as a friend.

There's nothing wrong with that. That can be a really powerful thing. And having healthy male and female friendships, I think is really important for everyone. What I'm talking about is for guys who don't just want to be friends, but who actually have, as Dr. Glover calls it, a bit of a covert contract running the show, meaning they're being really nice. They're creating a lot of safety because ultimately they want a woman romantically and they do want sex, but they don't want to appear aggressive like so many of the macho cavemen we see in the world, right?

They want a woman to feel safe. They don't want her to feel pressured, so they lean back more and oftentimes are just okay, connecting at a very slow pace, very friendly pace, and at a pace that often doesn't include much sexual energy. Again, what that does is it creates a lot of safety. But the truth is, women will often feel safe with all kinds of people. Feel safe with their friends, feel safe with their parents, feel safe with co workers.

It's not an inherently charged or sexual energy. The other thing I want to talk about tonight has a lot more of that, and that's not just having a woman feel safe around you, but having a woman actually trust you as a man. Now, for a woman to actually trust you as a man, paradoxically, you have to be less worried about her and equally worried about yourself.

What I mean by worried is just in tune with your own personal needs, wants, desires, and direction. For you to become a trustable man, you have to be in your body first and foremost. So it's so easy for us guys to walk through the world up in our heads in these kind of insulated bubbles, disconnected from our feelings, disconnected from our bodily sensations.

It's really hard for a woman to fully trust a man when, as my co coach often says, she can't feel him from head to toe. For a lot of women, they can only feel a man from about the head down to the chest, maybe to the heart, mostly for nice guys, but they can't feel the lower parts of him. His legs, his sex, his balls, his power. Becoming a trustable man involves fully descending into our bodies head to toe, meaning we feel grounded in our actual presence of sensation, moment to moment.

As we do that as men, we get much clearer about what we want and what our personal boundaries are, right? What's okay, what's not okay, what do I truly want? If we're not connected to our bodies, oftentimes it's hard for us to presence what we really want in the moment. And instead we'll kind of come out with these covert contracts. And nice guys will often just kind of let women set the pace or lead the way to some extent, because again, we don't want to make them feel uncomfortable, which has the impact of making them often feel safe, but not necessarily Trusting us.

As we get more connected to our bodies, specifically our lower chakras, our root, our sexual energy, our legs, our power, we become more trustable. The feminine can feel us more. Now, that doesn't mean she's going to want what we want, but it's going to ring true for her, and she's going to be able to sense where we're at as men, meaning if we share our authentic desire, she may not be a yes to that, and that's fine, but there'll be alignment and congruency between our insides and our outsides, so to speak.

Which isn't always the case with the nice guy with the friend zone energy and with the man who's creating safety above all else. Now, that man that's creating safety will often put her needs, her safety, above his own needs and wants, right? So there's actually kind of a platforming or putting the woman on a bit of a pedestal that, well, you know, I had plans tonight, but oh, my gosh, she needs this thing, so I'm gonna go do that.

Right? We see that a lot in what I call white knight syndrome that shows up in guys and a tendency to kind of discard their own needs or desires or goals and prioritize the woman's. Now, again, to become trustable as a man means we have to connect to our own needs and our own wants and really importantly, our own boundaries and our own integrity.

No other person can define our integrity for us. That's something we have to explore and get intimate with firsthand. And you guessed it, that often starts by being in our bodies and aware of our sensations and learning to tune into what feels right and what feels wrong in our nervous system, moment to moment. Now, the more we can do that, the more clear we become about what we want and the more willing we become to share it and express it in a straightforward way, maybe taking some risks, even.

This trustability piece can also be summed up in what I like to say and what I learned from my mentor, Robert Masters. We want to have full access to our head, our heart, and our guts. Now, guts is just another word for body, root, sex, cock, balls, power, whatever that might be, right? The part of us that creates action. A lot of nice guys tend to have a lot of access to head energy and heart energy, but not necessarily that power, that lower sexual energy, which is literally just driving creative, penetrative energy in the world.

Sexual meaning creating anything in the world, whether it's our job, community, or, yeah, intimacy with a woman. Now, when we just have those first two online, the head and the heart. We're often just kind of the more soft, nice guy who's putting the woman's needs above our own. And that creates that real safety zone that women feel like in some sense they can share. It's like sharing just with another friend, just with another woman because there's no sexual energy there now that can be pleasurable.

And a lot of women like that and want that. And some men do too. But a lot of men I work with don't actually want that. Right. They're doing that because ultimately they want her to feel connected to him sexually. Now as we bring that lower piece online, that's also what allows us to access our fierce energy, our warrior energy, our killer energy, the energy inside of us that could actually do whatever it takes to create real safety in the world.

So there's a difference between this kind of emotional safety I've been talking about that nice guys create for women real safety, which is when necessary, I may actually use force to protect those I care about. Right? I will use force to create legitimate safety for those I love. If we don't have access to our instinctual drive, to our power, to our inner protector, warrior, killer, whatever you want to call it, it's really hard for a woman to completely relax with us, AKA trust us, because instead she's having to hold a little bit of vigilance in the world, a little bit of guard up in the world.

Because if she hasn't felt the presence of that energy inside of us, part of her is going to be constantly monitoring it and bringing it herself. Right? There's. I may need to protect myself because I don't know if this man can. Now this doesn't mean you have to be trained in some kind of martial art as a man. What I mean is just an access to that primal fierce energy that, that would make it clear anytime a boundary really needs to be set in the world or has been crossed in the world, right?

It can really be summed up by the powerful energy of just no or stop. Right? There's a way. If we don't have full access to our balls, that stop either doesn't come out or it rings kind of hollow, you know, and this is the type of work I've done in live environments before and all the men's work I've done early in my journey and now since I help men as well, of helping them learn to access that power until it rings true, which will often stop people in their tracks, right?

It's A full head to toe congruency that makes it clear this ends here. Now, as we can bring access to that energy, that trustable killer, protector, warrior energy that's going to allow a feminine partner, a woman, to relax a part of herself and trust us. Trust us that we're tracking the moment.

We're aware of the moment and we'll do whatever it takes to create safety in that moment. Now, for a lot of us, when we haven't had training and we're not in our bodies, it can be really hard to be tracking the moment, noticing the environment and accessing that energy of Stop. That just takes practice, that just takes training. That's something we're not often really taught as men anymore, particularly as nice guys. A lot of us instead are taught if I'm just nice enough to her, she'll eventually like me again.

That doesn't really work. Makes her feel safe around you, but it doesn't necessarily make her trust you. And if you want a woman to open her heart to you and open her body to you, she's going to have to deeply trust you. She's going to have to feel this part of you fully online that has its own inner sense of integrity, of right and wrong, of knowing what it wants, being connected to its desire, of being willing to use force to create safety in the world when necessary for her sake, for your family's sake, for your community's sake, for a stranger's sake, whatever that might be.

It's not enough for a woman to just feel safe around you. You have to do the work, to get into your body, to access your energy, to access your power, to get in touch with your moment, to moment sensations and to become so present that she trusts you. She actually trusts you. To hold the consciousness in the moment, or another way is to hold the awareness in the moment, right?

I often use this metaphor for guys of the motorcycle. It's a classic kind of cliche, right? Guy riding the bike, woman sitting on the back, arms around him. Now what's really happening in that situation? She is surrendering, tracking, holding consciousness, holding awareness. And she's just letting herself go along for the ride. And she. And trusting that he's going to do what it takes to keep her safe, that he's tracking the environment, that he has a plan and a direction.

We have to learn to be able to do that as men, to really attract the type of quality women so many of us desire. And doing that requires accessing this deeper inner power inside your body that is much clearer and less covert about what you want and what you're intending and what you're moving towards. When that congruency starts to happen, when our insides and our outsides match and we have full fluid access to the energy of our head, our heart and our guts, that's when we become more present and that's when we become more trustable as mental.

She wants to be able to trust you, not just feel safe with you. She wants to know there's a warrior protector inside that you have access to. Not to be used against her, but to be used to protect her in the world. That doesn't just have to be a martial art. That's just about how you show up in the moment with your presence, your breath, your posture, your eye contact.

And it takes practice and it can be learned and it can be deepened as men. And we need a lot more trustable men in the world right now. And not just safe guys. We need men who will step up to the plate and call things out as they see it in the world. Whether it's injustice, unfairness, violence, emotional abuse, you name it. And that takes a man who has access to this inner power.

And when he can have access to that, he becomes more trustable. If you want to work with me, you can check out my drop in men's groups at Evolutionary Men events, do some one on one shadow coaching with me, or join my incredibly powerful group for men around dating and relationships by watching my free training at Evolutionary Men webinar. Until next time.