What if the very thing we've been taught to avoid as men is actually the key to our freedom? I got to sit down with the Relatable Wisdom podcast to explore something that's been central to my life for almost 20 years now: men's groups and why we're not meant to do this alone.
We covered the two quotes that guide pretty much everything I do. First, every man should be in a men's group. I really believe that. Men's groups have transformed my life more than anything else I've tried, therapies, plant medicines, you name it. Second, your angst is your liberation, from my old Zen teacher Junpo Roshi. This one's about turning toward our discomfort instead of running from it. That willingness to get intimate with what scares us or makes us anxious is often what sets us free.
I shared my own journey, starting my first men's group back in 2006 when I was pretty lost in my mid-20s. Anxious, numb in my body, no real direction. Those groups helped me move across the country to pursue filmmaking, navigate intense relationships, get married, become a father. More than anything, they've helped me understand what I'm actually feeling and wanting, which is something most of us men are never taught how to do.
We talked about why men come to this work. Usually they're in some kind of pain, a relationship ended, a job lost, health crisis, addiction. The problem is we're taught to hold all that pain inside and never talk about it. That creates profound loneliness. The stats are brutal: 80% of suicides are men. This lone wolf mentality doesn't work. In nature, the wolf kicked out of the pack dies first.
If you're a man reading this and you're struggling, you don't have to suffer alone. Check out evolutionarymen.com to learn more about men's groups and how we can support each other in becoming more whole, present, and alive.
