The guy who never cries, never asks for help, never shows weakness is not strong. He's fragile. He's built a whole identity around avoiding the very things that would actually free him. That was one of the truths that surfaced naturally in this conversation, and it runs through everything I shared about my own story.
Growing up in the Midwest, I had the basics covered. But my family had no interiority. We all lived in the same house and there was no real emotional or physical connection between us. So when I hit my teens and started moving out into the world, I had no idea how to actually connect with people. Locked up in my head, anxious in my body, quietly depressed. Men's work and men's groups were what eventually broke that open for me.
We got into what a men's group actually is, because most men picture it wrong. A men's group is a container where men get real about what's happening in their lives. Most male bonding stays at the surface: get together, watch the game, fix something, go on a ski trip. Nothing wrong with that, but it rarely takes you deeper. I had a client who went on a ski trip with his childhood friends, in the middle of what was probably becoming a divorce, and not one of them actually talked about life. He left feeling lonelier than before. A good men's group fills that gap, both a place to ask for real help and a place to be held accountable for what you actually want to build.
A big chunk of our conversation was on the three things that, when working together, completely change how a man shows up: a grounded and regulated nervous system, an open heart that can feel and let people in, and a focused awareness where you're choosing where your attention goes rather than getting dragged around by your own mind. When a man is working all three together, people feel it. Partners feel it. Kids feel it. It's settledness. It's genuinely rare.
We also talked about the numbers. Three out of four suicides are men. I think that's a direct repercussion of a culture that tells men to handle everything alone and never show weakness. Connection is medicine for the male nervous system. Not a metaphor. It actually changes what's happening in the body. And men's groups are one of the fastest pathways back to it.
What would it take for you to stop handling it alone?
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Host (THE MAKING OF ME): Welcome to the Making of Me podcast where we explore personal growth, relationship, and the deeper challenge of life today. Our today's guest is Jason Long, a main embodiment, coach, growth facilitator, and evolutionary guide. Jaslene has helped men gain clarity in life, relationship and purpose through men's work, coaching and group experience. With decades of trainings in men's work and guidance from leaders like John r. Weiland and Dr. Robert Glover, he empower men to shift outdated paradigms and live healthier, more authentic life. It's really a pleasure and a honor to have you on the show.
Jason Lange: Yeah, I'm so excited to be here. Thanks for having me.
Host (THE MAKING OF ME): Yeah, thank you. Jason, what were some of the challenges that shaped you into who you have become today?
Jason Lange: Yeah, sure. A lot of my challenges, I think, like a lot of people, started at home when I was growing up and I think dovetails into a lot of the issues modern men face. Face in that I was lucky in terms of where I grew up in the Midwest of the United States, kind of lower middle class, basically had all my security needs met growing up in terms of stable housing, food, all that kind of stuff. But what I didn't have is my family did not have any interiority, so there was no emotional connection or physical connection in the family. We all just kind of lived in the same house. And so as I grew up, and particularly as I became a teenager and kind of entered into the world, and in my case, heterosexual, got interested in women, I didn't know how to connect or relate to members of the opposite sex or honestly even other men at that time. And I was kind of locked up in my own head, a little depressed and often really anxious in my body. And it was so painful. It kind of kicked off a journey of growth and transformation for me, of learning how to actually get out of my head and into my body and learn how to feel and express myself in terms of what I want, what I need, and, and to be able to take the initiatives that I wanted in life. And that journey took me many different ways. But the thing kind of more than anything else that really shifted how I was showing up was once I got into men's work in men's groups and really started focusing on the process of getting embodied and not just thinking about things, but actually feeling and doing things in my body, in my nervous system, and that was such a long, hard journey for me. As I started to figure it out, you know, I started talking about it and then lo and behold, it kind of became my pathway. My Career for helping other men do the same thing.
Host (THE MAKING OF ME): Wow. Wow. Amazing. That was really a whole lot. So what exactly is men's group, and why do you believe every man should be part of.
Host (THE MAKING OF ME): Wow. I think this is really lovely. Being that, I think it's easier for men to unbother Their emotional stuff here compared to me, that yeah, out there, men are not expected to cry, men are not expected to complain. Men are not expected to actually more like voice of no one sign and I think having more like a secluded group where you could actually make reference of your fears and admiration and yeah, I've been able to hear each other out and profile what has worked for each other. I think it's, it's really lovely ideas. Yeah, it's amazing.
Jason Lange: Yeah. So how.
Host (THE MAKING OF ME): Yeah, amazing.
Jason Lange: That's an important shift. I'll just say that. Right. Part of the challenge of men is kind of the idea of what it means to be a man for so many of us around the globe is it means to be invulnerable, to be tough, to never show weakness, to not have feelings. Obviously there's some positive attributes to that, but when we disconnect, when we dissociate, when we don't feel our emotions, they make us sick. Mentally sick, emotionally sick and yes, even physically sick. Where men suffer and it shows up in the stats. Right. Suicide rates are through the roof for men in particular. Three out of four suicides tend to be men. I think that's a direct repercussion of we don't make it okay for men to have feelings and move them through their body. And when we're feeling bad and we have no way how to deal with that, that's where a lot of men just check out. Like, I can't do this anymore. Changing the culture to yeah, it's okay to cry, it's okay to be scared, it's okay to be mad, it's okay to ask for help. The beautiful thing about it is it leads to more effective men. You get to do more of what you actually want to do in life. You're not weighed down by all the stress and tension of all the emotional content you're carrying.
Host (THE MAKING OF ME): Yeah, amazing. Amazing. So how would you define the healthy masculine, masculine into this world?
Jason Lange: Yeah, I really often name it. And kind of the ability to embody three different attributes which are one, just having a grounded, well regulated and present nervous system. I can be here in my body right now and I can be relaxed. It's pretty simple. Wound up or full attention or totally disconnected from my body. But I'm grounded. I'm grounded in the moment, I'm grounded in my body. The second piece is our connection to our heart, our emotions, our feeling, which is not only am I grounded in my body, but I'm open. My heart is open to both feel and connect with other People and be felt and let other people in. So it's this real capacity of attunement and sensitivity. But again, a lot of guys are like, I don't want to be sensitive. Sensitivity can be such a powerful thing. Talk to anyone who's trained in any martial arts a long time. The most lethal martial artists are the most sensitive. They're very attuned to other people's bodies, their bodies, and they're open to feeling the energy and the connection of the moment. So we have being grounded in our bodies, open in our hearts, and then the one where it tends to trip up us men the most is just having a clear and focused awareness, meaning we are able to choose where we want to put our attention in the moment. And that is a superpower. In this day and age where everything is often vying for our attention. Social media, advertising, people in our lives, there's always this poll for pay attention to me. Pay attention to me. Or the biggest demon for most men is not having control over their mind, being stuck on their own thoughts.
Host (THE MAKING OF ME): Yeah.
Jason Lange: I mean, rumination is so dangerous, so creates so much trouble for men. And what rumination really is, is I don't have the ability to stay focused on what I want. Instead, my focus keeps going to my fears, my thoughts, my worries. So that capacity to really control our awareness. I want to focus on you right now. So I'm putting my attention on you, putting my attention on this goal, this thing, my kid, whatever, in the moment. That's a superpower for us men. And when we can do all three simultaneously, Be grounded in our body, open in our heart, and focused in our awareness on what matters most to us. We are a very different kind of man. We're the kind of man that when people step into his presence, they want to be around it feels good, feels relaxed, feels trustable. And we need a lot more of said men in this age. And it's totally possible for guys, but a lot of us just were never trained in how to actually do these things.
Host (THE MAKING OF ME): Yeah, amazing. Grounded. We are grounded, connected to our hearts, having a clear hope and focus. Awareness. Yeah. It's really amazing. Yeah. So how did your own experience with loneliness and struggles in your twenties shape the approach to men's work?
Jason Lange: Yeah. Well, it's right there, just like you said it. My pain was feeling disconnected, not knowing how to a connect to myself, not knowing how to connect to other people. And men's work and men's groups are kind of what broke open the doors of that and helped me get through that. And learn what it actually means to feel connected in the world. And I think so much of the pain that men in particular feel often in life is they feel disconnected. They feel disconnected from themselves, they feel disconnected from other people. They also often feel disconnected from the planet or a higher purpose of some kind that, hey, I don't, I don't actually belong anywhere. And that creates a deep, deep depression when we're not connected. And, you know, they, they, they have the, these famous studies from a while ago, right, about some rats where they'd, they'd put, I think it was, it was, I think it was rats. They put a rat in a cage, right? And the little bottles they drink out of, you know, they put in cages, instead of water in there, they put, I think it was morphine, very heavy drug. And when solo, the rat would just keep drinking and it would actually drink itself to death on the drug. And what they found, though, was just put another rat in the cage. So it's not alone. They wouldn't drink themselves to death. They would just be done.
Host (THE MAKING OF ME): Wow.
Jason Lange: And what that's pointing to is we like to think we're a lot more evolved than rats, right? But we're mammals, we're social creatures. We were born to be in connection and in community and co regulation, dropping in with another person, making eye contact, breathing together, really soothing each other, that is one of the fastest ways we actually take care of ourselves. And connection is such a potent medicine that helps us heal and feel stronger and be more energized and belong, that without it, men suffer. Mensworth and men's groups in particular, I think are one of the fastest pathways back to feeling that kind of connection, that brotherhood, that kind of belonging. And so I got so intimate with what it feels like to not have that. Turns out one of my things I'm most passionate about is helping to create that for other men and saying, hey, I know what it's like to be alone and suffering. Check out this other way. I'm pretty sure you're gonna think, find it a little easier and better because I know it changed it for me. So bringing connection to men is something I'm super passionate about.
Host (THE MAKING OF ME): Yeah, Amazing, Amazing. So in your own view, what's the biggest misconception about my scalability that men carried around?
Host (THE MAKING OF ME): Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. Thank you so much for sharing. So what does it the feminine truly grateful in masculinity. And how can men better understand this?
Jason Lange: Yeah, so another word we said already, but probably more than anything else, it's deep presence. It's just the ability to. I am here and I am with you. That's it. It's so simple. And to be that present, guess what? You got to be grounded in your body, open in your heart, focused in your awareness, not thinking about all the shit you need to do for work or so tired or stressed in your body, you can barely pay attention or so closed off because you're just scared of feeling. But when you can bring just deep presence, I'm here in the moment and I'm with you. You will literally see the feminine relax and open up and feel safe and trusted. If you're bouncing all over the place in your head trying to say it right, or distracted about work or trying to get get something specific from her, she'll have her guard up right? And it's a pretty rare thing for many women to be with an emotionally regulated, grounded and present man who, hey, it's okay if you're sad. It's okay if you're mad at me. What's going on? Tell me more, man. When a woman's around that in my experience, it's life changing for them and we have to do work as men to become present in that way again. No one teaches us everything is always pulling us to be somewhere else. Right. There's a better moment you could be in if you were only more this or that. There's just this constant hammering we get hit with, whether it's distractions or dopamine or whatever it might be. So practicing presence, you know, that's the main thing I teach men. I don't teach pickup or hacks or how to get women. Just learn to be really present with women and they will respond to you. The feminine will respond to you.
Host (THE MAKING OF ME): Yeah. Amazing. Thank you so much. This has really been amazing, Justin. So for my audience who would love to come of reach out to you either for the group or for coaching sections or how to connect with you, maybe some of your content out there. How can they reach out to you anyway? It's based platform.
Jason Lange: Yeah, totally. Best way to keep up with me and everything I'm up to is at Evolutionary, so It's not.combut.min. and on there you'll find links to all my social media, my own podcast. I got some free quizzes and fun things coming out soon too. So there'll be lots of ways to engage. And if you don't know where to get started, like there's some resources on there for that. You can always just send me an email, contact me. You don't even have to work with me. I can just point you to. Here's how you get started. Here's how you find a men's group. Here's how you can get rocking.
Host (THE MAKING OF ME): Yeah. Thank you so much, Jasmina. You bring authenticity, experience and your practical guidance up to the conversation about men's group relationship and purpose. It has really, really be amazing. Yeah. Grounded. Well grounded. Well grounded and regulated system. Yeah. Our connection with our hearts and having it clear and focus awareness. It has really been amazing. And for my audience who would love to kind of listen on to him for more content, follow him up and everything, the link is going to be on the show. Notes for you to use on it. Once again, the pledge and honor have you on the show. Y. Yeah.
Jason Lange: Thank you so much for having me.
