I still remember the moment I realized how touch-starved I was. My body would actually go into a threat state when someone tried to hug me. Not because I didn't want connection, I was desperate for it. But my nervous system had never been conditioned for physical touch growing up. So I learned to cope the way so many men do: withdrawing into my head, using porn and food to try to regulate myself, anything to deal with the discomfort of being in my body.
That's what we got into on this conversation with Love Is Us, this whole question of what men actually need and why so many of us are struggling. The man box we've all been put in, this bullshit narrative of the rugged individualist who never shows weakness or touches other men. The way we're taught to put everyone else's needs first while ignoring our own until we're drained and resentful. And most importantly, why men's groups are one of the most powerful tools I've seen for men to actually break through all of that.
Because here's what I've learned: when men see other men stepping bravely into their truth, into their vulnerability, into their emotions, it's like a quick download. Oh, that's what it looks like to be in healthy anger. That's what strength actually looks like, not the fake confidence we've been sold. And when one man goes deep, it makes it easier for the next guy, and suddenly the whole group is dropping in together. That transmission, that felt sense of what's possible, it changes things fast.
We talked about integrity, about how men's groups hold you accountable not by shaming you but by calling you forward into who you actually are. About embodiment and why being disconnected from our bodies keeps us stuck in endless rumination instead of clear action. About why every man, young or old, single or married, should be in a men's group.
If you're interested in finding or starting a men's group, or you want to work with me one on one, go to evolutionarymen.com. I also run an ongoing men's program where we do this deep work together. Until next time.
