What happens when an entire generation of men grows up emotionally starved, learning to perform connection rather than actually feel it? That's the question Sue and I explored when I joined her on the Blossom Your Awesome podcast, diving deep into men's work, men's groups, and the epidemic of disconnection that's leaving so many of us walking around like emotional ghosts in our own lives.
I shared some of my own story, growing up in a pretty emotionally barren household. All my basic needs were met, but there was zero emotional connection or physical intimacy. When I hit my teens and got interested in girls, my body just locked up. I had no idea how to connect, and that pain eventually led me to therapy and, crucially, to my first men's group in my mid-20s. Being around older guys who had done the work, who could feel their grief without collapsing, who could access their anger and still feel totally safe, that changed everything for me. It showed me what was actually possible for men.
We talked about the "man box," this narrow set of rules about what men are allowed to feel and be. For a lot of us, that programming starts young: stop crying, toughen up, override what your body is telling you. Men's groups are a place where we get to practice a different way, where we build the capacity to feel our emotions without being overtaken by them. It's like a dojo for the emotional self.
Sue and I also got into the myth of the lone wolf, this idea that we're supposed to do it all ourselves. The truth is, the lone wolf gets kicked out of the pack and dies sooner. Community is immunity. The research backs this up: loneliness is as deadly as smoking a pack a day. When we're connected to other men, we grow faster, we see our blind spots, and we build real resilience.
If you're curious about men's work or men's groups, my advice is simple: go try it. Get in the room, or on the call, with other men who are doing this work. You'll know pretty quickly if it's for you. There's no shortcut. Your body has to have the experience of what's possible.
If this resonates and you want to explore what men's work could look like for you, head to evolutionarymen.com or check out my podcast, Evolutionary Men. Would love to connect.
