I spent almost two hours on this podcast diving into something I don't talk about enough: why so many men are walking through life feeling fundamentally alone, even when they're surrounded by people.
Brian and I went deep into the nervous system piece. How most of us as men were taught from a young age to override what's happening in our bodies with our heads. You fall down as a boy? Get up, you're fine. Sit still in school even when your body's screaming to move. Play it cool in the locker room even when you're terrified. Work 80 hours a week even when you're burnt out. We're literally rewarded in our culture for being disembodied, and it's killing us.
We talked about the loneliness epidemic, which is getting worse. Twenty years ago, 3% of men reported having no close friendships. A couple years ago it was already 15%. I'd bet it's over 20% now. And here's the thing that really landed for me years ago: 80% of suicide deaths in the US are men. And in Canada, 80% of men who attempted suicide had actually tried to get help the year before through doctors or therapists. Something about the system isn't supporting men the way we need.
What changed my life, and what I've now dedicated my work to, is men's groups. Not the side-by-side watching sports kind of connection, though that has its place. I'm talking about the kind where men actually put their attention on each other. Where we practice slowing down and naming what's happening inside. Where we get to feel grief without shame, anger without judgment, exhaustion without having to perform being okay.
We also got into touch, which most men are chronically malnourished around. The power of what happens when a group of men just puts their hands on another man's body and his nervous system finally gets to relax in a way it maybe never has before.
If you're a man reading this and something in you is stirring, reach out. Go to evolutionarymen.com/apply. If you're not in a men's group yet, let's talk about getting you connected.
