There was this moment in my conversation with Alicia and Laura on Therapy is Dope when Laura asked me point-blank: "What happens to a man when he finally sits in a circle with other men and realizes he's not the only one who feels completely lost?" The silence that followed wasn't awkward. It was recognition. Because that's exactly what I've witnessed hundreds of times in men's groups, and it's why I'm so passionate about this work right now.
We covered a lot of ground, but a few things really stood out. First, the crisis of male loneliness is real and getting worse. The stats are bleak. 80% of suicide deaths are men. In 1990, 3% of men had no close friends. By 2021, that jumped to 15%. And it's climbing. Men are walking around feeling completely alone, convinced they're the only ones struggling, when the truth is nearly every guy is sitting in the same pain.
I talked about how men are under-trained in embodiment, how most of us have been taught to live in our heads or distract ourselves rather than actually feel what's happening in our bodies. And when hard things show up, we don't know what to do with them. So we numb out, overwork, use porn, whatever it takes to avoid being present to our actual experience.
The thing that keeps surprising me is what happens when men finally get into a room together with the intention to go deep. Once they feel safe, once there are clear agreements and structure, men have so much to say. And when one guy opens up about the dark, shameful thing he's been carrying alone, other men meet him there. They say "yeah, me too" and something massive shifts. That's where the real medicine is.
We also talked about the mechanics of running groups, how to work with guys who show up skeptical or defended, and why I'm so committed to teaching more men to facilitate groups themselves. I can't lead enough groups to meet the need out there. Men need each other, and we need spaces where it's safe to be real, to ask for help, to feel everything without having to fix it or perform strength.
If you're a man who's feeling disconnected or you work with men in any capacity, this conversation might land for you. And if you're interested in starting or joining a men's group, reach out. I'd love to support you in that.
