I had a blast sitting down with Rory on the Power of Man podcast. We got into some real territory about why men are struggling so much right now and what actually helps.
Right out of the gate, we talked about men's groups and why I believe every man should be in one. I shared my own story of growing up in a family with zero capacity for emotional or physical connection. That neglect left me in a lot of pain, especially in my body and relationships. What really turned things around for me was getting into men's circles about 20 years ago. There's something about sitting with six or seven other guys who can see through your bullshit that changes everything. You literally cannot hide from that much presence and attention.
We went deep on what I call the "man box," this cultural box we're all supposed to fit into as men. Be invulnerable, don't show weakness, definitely don't ask for help. From the time we're little boys, we're taught to override what's happening in our bodies. Little boy falls down? You're fine, get up, you're tough. That pattern just keeps going through school, into work, all of it. We get rewarded for being disembodied, for pushing through, for grinding it out.
The problem is emotions start as physical sensations in our bodies. If we're not in our bodies, we can't identify what we're feeling. So we turn to the acceptable medicines, drinking, porn, overwork, trying to manage this dysregulated inner state. All that unprocessed emotional stuff takes metabolic energy to hold. It literally fatigues us at a cellular level.
Rory asked a great question about vulnerability with partners versus men. I broke down the difference between single circuit and parallel circuit relationships. A lot of guys only feel safe sharing emotional stuff with their spouse, which puts massive stress on that relationship. When you're held by other men first, you can bring things to your partner in a totally different way. You can be grounded and present while sharing what's real, rather than collapsing into it.
If you're feeling isolated or stuck, get some help. Find a men's group, do the work. Your life depends on it. If you want to work with me, head to evolutionarymen.apply.
