I had a powerful conversation with Aaron on Guys Dealings with Feelings about one of the most brutal paradoxes facing men today: we're told to be strong but not too strong, vulnerable but not weak, connected but not needy. We explored how our culture has created an impossible box for men, one where every move feels wrong and authentic expression becomes a minefield. Aaron brought incredible insight into why men's work isn't just personal development, it's survival in a world that simultaneously demands everything from us while offering no safe space to be human.
You know, there's this myth that men are supposed to be lone wolves. Don't cry, don't be vulnerable, push through everything, ignore what's happening in your body. From a young age, boys get the message that whatever they're feeling is wrong. Sit still for eight hours even though you need to move. Don't show weakness. And then we wonder why so many men are struggling with depression, addiction, autoimmune issues, why they're checking out.
The thing is, we can't actually ignore our bodies and emotions. They don't go away just because we try to numb them with work, alcohol, porn, whatever. All that unprocessed material gets stored physically. It takes enormous energy to hold it down, and eventually it catches up with us.
That's where men's groups come in. They're not just accountability groups or goal-setting sessions. They're places where men can finally become present to what's actually true for them. Where we can feel what we've been holding and have other men hold that with us. No shame, no judgment, just connection. Because real safety isn't the absence of threat, it's the presence of connection. When men finally share what they've been carrying alone, sometimes for decades, and have it received without losing that connection, it's transformative.
We also talked about calling each other forward, not calling each other out. Seeing the best in each other and holding each other to that. That steady presence of "let's figure this out together" that so many of us never got from our fathers.
If you're struggling with repeated patterns you can't seem to break, if intimacy feels impossible, if you're just tired of doing it alone, that's a sign. Men's work, whether in person or virtual, can be a game changer. Check out my work at evolutionarymen.com if you want to explore what this could look like for you.
