All right, I had a great conversation on A Joyful Rebellion recently that really got into what men's groups are actually about and why they matter so much right now.
We covered a lot of ground, starting with my own journey into this work. Like many guys, I got started because I was struggling with relationships and dating in my early 20s. I was completely clueless with women, awkward as hell, and watching other guys around me somehow figure it out. That pain pushed me to get some help, which eventually led me to somatic therapy and then men's groups. That's where things really started to shift for me. I got to be around men I actually wanted to be like, not because of what they were doing, but how they were being. Their presence, how they breathed, how they communicated. I'd never experienced that before from the men in my life.
We talked about the cultural shifts that created what I call the nice guy. There's this whole generation of men who saw the old macho archetype, the "my way or the highway" guy who causes a lot of damage, and said "I don't want to be that." Which is good. The problem is the overcorrection. A lot of guys ended up constantly putting others' needs above their own, struggling with boundaries, afraid of conflict, terrified of being seen as one of "those guys." That's not healthy either. We need something different, a new way forward that's not just reacting against the old model.
The conversation also got into the practical stuff. How do you find a men's group? What even happens in one? The short answer is there's a lot of variety out there, accountability groups, practice groups, support groups, all kinds of formats. You can search locally, check out Meetup, or even join groups on Zoom if you're not in a big city. The key is to try things out, see what resonates. And honestly, if you can't find a group, you can start your own. Just gather two or three guys and commit to actually talking about your lives, not just watching the game together.
If you're curious about men's work and what's possible when men turn to face each other instead of triangulating around activities, check out what I'm doing at evolutionarymen.com. We run groups, workshops, and a whole program for guys ready to do this work.
