As men, we're living through a time where the old playbook has been thrown out the window, but no one handed us a new one. That's exactly why I was excited to sit down with Ryan DeMent on his show Chasing Happiness. We dug deep into the crisis of purpose that's hitting so many men right now, and I shared some insights that I knew his audience needed to hear about navigating this masculine identity shift.
One thing I talked about is how the old paradigm of masculinity isn't enough anymore. Get a job, work hard, provide for your family. That was the formula. But something more is being asked of us now in modern relationships, as parents, in the world. And a lot of men saw the destructive side of disconnected masculine energy and said, I don't want to be that guy. So they swung to being the nice guy. Super accommodating, can't set boundaries, walking around with shame and codependency. That's painful too.
We got into masculine and feminine energy, which I know triggers some people, but hear me out. We all have both. The work isn't about being stuck in one or the other. It's about developing fluidity, knowing which energy to bring in the moment. Sometimes you need to step up and lead. Sometimes you need to soften and let someone else come forward. And here's the thing with couples, if you both stay in the same energy all the time, particularly if you're both in your masculine grinding through life, the erotic charge dies. You become great roommates, co-parents, but there's no juice. Learning to play these energies is crucial if you want to keep that aliveness in your relationship.
We also talked about nice guy patterns, covert contracts, sexual shame, and how a man's deepest purpose is often connected to his deepest pain. What knocked you on your knees might be exactly what makes you uniquely suited to help others.
If you're feeling stuck or lost around purpose, or you know you want something deeper in your relationships but don't know how to get there, check out what I'm doing at EvolutionaryMen.men. There's podcasts, articles, programs, and if nothing else, reach out. I'm happy to point you toward what might help, whether that's with me or not.
