There's a moment in every man's life where he realizes the surface level connections he's been settling for aren't enough anymore, where something deeper calls to him but he has no idea how to access it. I got to explore this exact territory with Curtis from Living the Dream with Curveball, diving into what it really means for men to step into deeper presence and connection in their lives.
We covered a lot of ground. I shared my own journey, how I grew up in a family that just didn't have the capacity for emotional or physical connection, and how that showed up later when I wanted to connect with women, just feeling anxious and lost. That eventually led me into men's work and somatic therapy in my twenties, which completely transformed my life. Now I do this work with other men because there's a massive gap right now, so many guys struggling and not getting the support they need.
Curtis and I also got into the nice guy syndrome, this pattern where men prioritize everyone else's needs at the cost of themselves. It's actually an evolution of masculinity in some ways, but it ends up not working well in relationships or life. The path forward isn't going back to being disconnected from our hearts, it's learning we can be powerful and sensitive at the same time. We need both.
We talked about men's groups, why they matter so much. The stats are brutal, men's close friendships have been cut in half since 1990. We're wired to triangulate, bond over activities instead of actually being present with each other. Getting into a solid group changed my life more than anything else I've done, and I've seen it do the same for countless other men.
And we dove into masculine presence, what it actually means to show up grounded and still, holding space for the moment. This is what partners are craving, not just financially providing but being trustable and present. The work is getting out of our heads, dropping into our bodies, actually being here.
If you're a man reading this and something's resonating, I've got a couple ways to work together. There's Pillars of Presence, my online men's program and group. And I run a live retreat every Labor Day in Northern California, small intimate group, about two dozen men doing deep work together in nature. All the info is at evolutionarymen.com. You don't have to do this alone, man. That's the whole point.
