There was this moment in my conversation on the Just INwords podcast when I realized I was describing something that hits closer to home than I'd like to admit. I was talking about the loneliness epidemic affecting men, sharing research that shows isolation is literally as dangerous as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, when it struck me that every man listening probably knows this feeling intimately. We all do.
What struck me in this conversation was how many different angles feed into this crisis. There's the man box we're all squeezed into, this cultural script that says real men are lone wolves who don't need anyone. Then COVID came along and stripped away the few structures men did have for connection. Add in social media creating empty calories of connection, and you've got a perfect storm of isolation.
One thing I kept coming back to is how men have been rewarded for being disembodied. We're praised for pushing through, ignoring our bodies, being tough at all costs. And when you're not in your body, it's nearly impossible to genuinely connect with others. That disconnection feeds the loneliness, which compounds the isolation.
But here's what gives me hope. I truly believe every man should be in a men's group. Not a group where you just watch the game together, that triangulated connection where you're focused on a third thing. I mean a group where you actually get real, where you can drop the mask and talk about what's actually going on inside you. I've been in groups for 20 years, and my current one meets every other Monday for two hours. It changed my life, especially during the pandemic.
The beauty is you don't need much to start. You, two other guys, and the conscious intention to meet regularly and get real with each other. That's it.
If you're feeling isolated or know you want deeper connection with men, check out my work at evolutionarymen.com. I run groups and programs specifically designed to help men break through this loneliness and build the kind of brotherhood that actually nourishes.
