There's a moment in every man's life where he realizes he's been living like a ghost in his own body, walking through the world completely disconnected from what he's actually feeling. I just had this raw, honest conversation with Toby on Mirror Talk where we unpacked exactly this. We dove into how so many of us are carrying tension we don't even know exists, shaped by childhoods with zero physical touch or emotional intimacy. I opened up about my own story of growing up in that kind of household and how it left me completely frozen around women in my twenties, sweaty and awkward every time I tried to connect.
What really landed for me in this conversation was talking about how men are actually rewarded for being disembodied. We get praised for working insane hours, pushing through pain, never showing weakness. And then we wonder why we're walking around tight, achy, numb. We've never been taught how to feel our feelings, so we do everything we can to avoid them. Alcohol, porn, work, food, whatever gets us away from what's actually happening inside.
The truth is, all that unfelt emotion takes physical energy to hold at bay. It's literally stored in our bodies. And a lot of the work I do with men is about bringing that stuff out of the shadow, feeling it directly, and freeing up all that trapped life force. When guys do this work, they come back alive. Their faces soften, their breath deepens, their presence changes.
We also talked about men's groups and why they're so powerful. It's not just about sitting around talking. It's about getting real and honest with other men about where you're struggling, where you're stuck, and what you actually want. That vulnerability, that willingness to ask for help and receive feedback, that's what accelerates growth.
If you're hungry for more presence, more aliveness, more depth in your life, check out my work at evolutionarymen.com.
