There's a moment in every man's life where he realizes the crushing weight of carrying everything alone, where the armor of self-reliance becomes a prison instead of protection. I experienced that breaking point firsthand, and it led me to a powerful conversation with the ILLUMENATE podcast about men's work, belonging, and the transformative power of community. We covered a lot of ground, exploring my journey from emotional neglect and isolation to discovering the healing that comes from genuine male connection.
One of the core themes we explored was why men's groups matter so much, especially right now. Most men connect through what I call triangulation, putting our attention on something else rather than each other. Sports, work projects, fixing things. And while there's a place for that, it doesn't hit the deeper connection we actually need. Men's groups flip that triangle and turn attention directly on each other. What's actually happening in your life? What hurts? What do you want? Where are you stuck? When men finally have permission to bring all that forward and be held by other men, things start to shift fast.
We also talked about the nice guy wound, something I've worked on myself for years. So many men watched aggressive, out-of-control masculinity growing up and said "no thanks" to that. But the pendulum swung too far the other way into conflict avoidance and people-pleasing. Learning to reclaim healthy anger and the capacity to stand in tension has been huge for me. It's not about going back to domination, it's about finding a third way that's grounded and present.
I got vulnerable about my own recent edges, particularly around deep self-loathing and shame that had been running my life without me fully seeing it. The work of bringing that into consciousness and letting it be witnessed by my men's groups has been some of the most challenging and liberating work I've done.
If you're a man who's feeling isolated, stuck, or like there's got to be something better than what you're living right now, check out my work at evolutionarymen.com. Men's groups aren't just nice to have, they're essential medicine for our times.
