What if I told you that joining a men's group could be as powerful for your health as quitting smoking? I had a fascinating conversation on Healing and Growing, Hand in Hand with Lisa recently about men, isolation, and the transformative power of men's groups, and the research we explored will challenge everything you think you know about what it means to be strong as a man.
First, the research on loneliness is sobering. Being isolated can impact your lifespan as much as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day or being morbidly obese. And just being part of a group that meets regularly can decrease your chance of dying by up to 50% in the next year. That's a massive intervention. We're social creatures, and men in particular tend to be conditioned out of relational connection from a young age.
We talked about what I call the "man box," this narrow set of expectations that tell boys and men to ignore their bodies, suppress their emotions, and never show weakness. From elementary school where we're told to sit still, to locker room culture where vulnerability gets weaponized, to the workforce where we're rewarded for pushing through pain, men are taught to dissociate from what they're actually feeling. And that catches up. Usually in our 40s and 50s, the body starts demanding payment for all that holding, all that tension we've been carrying.
What I see transform men is finally having a space where all that conditioning gets interrupted. A men's group where you can look another man in the eye and grieve, feel your fear, even express anger cleanly and safely. When one man steps in vulnerably, it creates what we call the masculine vortex. Other men see it and think, "Oh, there's a different way to be here." And suddenly there's this huge release of grief, anger, fear, stories that have been held for 20, 30, 40 years. Men walk out with relaxed bodies, deeper breath, more vitality in their eyes.
Lisa asked how we get men to show up, and honestly, it usually takes pain. A relationship ending, an illness, crushing loneliness. But podcasts like hers help plant seeds. Men listen, questions start forming, and when they hit that edge, they remember there's a path forward.
If you're feeling stuck or isolated, if you're carrying something you've never spoken, there are men's groups out there. And if you're interested in working with me around relationships, your masculine presence, or just finding your way back into your body and heart, head over to evolutionarymen.com.
