When men tell me they're struggling with power in relationships, I know exactly what they mean because I've been there. That's why when Melanie Curtin invited me on Dear Men to explore this topic, I knew our community needed to hear this conversation. What made it even more valuable was having Violet join me, which rarely happens but always reveals something essential about how polarity and partnership actually function in real time.
We talked about how I learned to own my power, which honestly started with me having none. In my twenties, dating felt like terror. I was anxious, confused, lost. The shift came through men's work and learning to do two things that sound simple but aren't: asking for what I want and setting boundaries. Still working on both, by the way. Having a kid and a wife means I have to practice this stuff daily.
One story I shared was from a plant medicine ceremony where I went from being a whiny, victim-y mess to having the most masculine, agentic moment of my life. I got still and internally demanded: I'm ready. Meet me. That was my call to the feminine, to the universe, to my future partner. Violet showed up a few months later.
We also got into the actual mechanics of our relationship. How we stayed connected through early friction about pacing. How I had to catch myself about to sleep on the couch when what I actually wanted was to stay in bed with her, just holding each other. How she kept opening and trusting me even when I wasn't ready to commit yet. How we got engaged at Burning Man after navigating some real wounding that came up.
The through line in all of it? Me being on purpose, doing my work, leading groups, making films, being with my men every Monday night. That's when I'm in my power. And her trusting that, opening to that, even when it's vulnerable.
If you want to work with me on owning your power in relationship, or if you're single and want to stop chasing and start leading, check out evolutionarymen.apply.
