I realized something about a decade ago that totally shifted how I approached dating. I was exhausted, swiping through apps, going on dates I wasn't even excited about, just hoping something would work out. The problem wasn't the apps or the women, it was me. I had no idea what I actually wanted.
That year before I met my wife was all about getting clear on my values first. What mattered to me? Growth, transformation, someone already on their own journey. Once I knew that, everything changed. I stopped chasing and started standing in what I wanted. It became crystal clear when someone was vibrating at that same level.
On this episode with Melanie, we got into the practical side of this. How do you actually know what you want? Not just characteristics on paper, gorgeous, successful, funny, but the feeling states. How do you actually feel around this person? Are you anxious? Relaxed? Energized? That matters way more than any checklist.
We also talked about the deeper work a lot of guys need to do first. For me, it was dealing with childhood neglect, lack of physical touch, not knowing how to ask for what I needed. I had to get help, therapy, men's groups, even touch therapy combined with a therapist to learn how to feel and ask for what I wanted. That work filled my well so I wasn't desperately needing a woman to fix me.
The truth is, wholeness attracts wholeness. If you keep attracting unstable partners or feeling stuck in patterns, the fastest path to change is transforming yourself. It won't fix itself. Get some help, do the inner work, get clear on your vision for your life, then see who fits that reality you're building.
If you're looking for support around dating, relationships, or reclaiming your masculine presence, check out my work at evolutionarymen.com.
