What does it actually mean to be in your masculine when everything you've been told about masculinity feels either toxic or outdated? I had a great conversation with Melanie Curtin on her podcast Dear Men recently about this exact question, something I get asked about constantly. Honestly, it's one of those topics where there's a lot of confusion and noise out there.
We dug into how a lot of guys have pulled back from their masculine energy because they saw the shithead chauvinists and thought, "I don't want to be that guy." Fair enough. But here's the thing: while we've been backing off, a lot of women have been developing their masculine capacities out of necessity, getting jobs, raising kids, handling logistics. And so we end up with this dynamic where men are waiting and women are exhausted from having to track everything.
Being in your masculine isn't about dominating or having some perfectly executed plan. It's simpler than that. It's about tracking where we are right now and where we're going. It's about creating direction and reducing options, which actually is what all decision-making is. The key is doing this while staying connected to your body and your partner, not just calculating in your head.
We talked about how this shows up everywhere: in the bedroom, in parenting, in planning a date, in holding space for your partner's emotions. It's not always about aggressive action. Sometimes it's just creating a container where your partner can relax and not have to figure everything out. That capacity to direct the moment, to provide structure, that's what allows the feminine to actually rest and follow.
The training for this? Get into your body. Learn to trust your impulses. Practice keeping your awareness focused on what matters instead of getting lost in your monkey mind. Spend time with other men who model this well. And be willing to risk getting it wrong, because that willingness to make a choice is actually part of what makes it meaningful.
If you want to develop this capacity more deeply, that's exactly what we work on in our programs and retreats. Check out evolutionarymen.com to learn more about working together.
