I had one of those conversations with Melanie Curtin on her podcast Dear Men that reminded me why we do this work. We dove into something that touches every man I know but gets whispered about in therapy offices instead of talked about openly: that place where you're so deep in the pit that even the idea of climbing out feels impossible. You know exactly what I'm talking about.
We got into the nervous system piece of this, what's happening in your body when you hit that dorsal shutdown state. It's not just feeling bad, it's your entire system going offline. I shared about my own journey with this, particularly around dating when I was single and certain patterns in my marriage. That feeling of "here I am again" after all the work you've done, all the therapy, all the men's groups. The rumination that keeps your mind racing while your body stays frozen.
What really landed for me in this conversation was talking about the simple, unglamorous things that actually help: movement and connection. Not fixing everything, just taking one step. Getting your body moving. Reaching out to someone instead of hiding. I talked about how men's groups became essential for me, not just showing up, but actually using them when I was in the shit. Learning to say "I'm struggling" before I hit bottom.
We also got into the deeper work: somatic therapy, bringing anger back online (huge for me), learning it was okay to need help and be seen in that collapsed state. The pattern of believing you have to do something to be worthy of connection, when sometimes what heals is just being met where you are.
If you're a guy who's felt that paralysis, that "what's the point" energy, this conversation might land for you. And if you want support navigating this stuff, check out the men's work I do at evolutionarymen.com.
