I just finished recording with Melanie on her show Dear Men, and we ended up tackling some of the most damaging myths I see guys carrying around dating. We spent serious time on three big ones: this idea that perfect confidence is required to be attractive, the fear that approaching women is automatically creepy in today's world, and the misconception that men should always wait for women to make the first move.
On the confidence thing, I talked about how most guys think confidence means never feeling nervous or awkward. They want to control the outcome so they never have to feel rejected. But that's impossible, especially in meaningful relationships. What actually works is being okay with whatever you're feeling inside. Some of the most charming approaches happen when a guy just owns his nervousness authentically. Hey, I'm super nervous right now, but I wanted to come talk to you. When it's genuine and you're still grounded in your body, most women find that sweet and courageous.
We also got into sexual shame and how it stops men from approaching at all. A lot of guys, especially the kindhearted ones, carry this belief that their sexuality is creepy and bad. So they try to hide their attraction or establish a friendship first, and that creates this weird energy. The truth is there's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone and wanting to explore a connection. It's what you do with that attraction that matters. Can you take no for an answer? Are you grounded in yourself? That's the difference between being authentic and being creepy.
The last myth we tackled was this idea that in modern dating, you should let her lead. A lot of men think that's safer or more respectful. But what women actually respond to is a man who's clear about his desire and willing to take initiative. Not in an authoritarian way, but in a relational way. You lead with what you want, then you listen and navigate from there. That clarity helps her get clear too. The more you bring forward your honest desires, the faster you'll find women who are aligned with them.
If this resonates and you want support around dating, relationships, or stepping into your masculine presence, check out what we're doing at Evolutionary Men. We help men move through these exact patterns.
