I just got to join Melanie Curtin on her show Dear Men, and we dug into something that comes up for so many guys I work with: what happens when you or your partner needs space?
This one hits close to home for me. I spent years in a previous relationship where I couldn't even identify when I needed space, let alone ask for it. I'd just kind of disappear, zone out, go numb. Not pleasant for anyone. These days, men's work and men's groups are where I get a lot of my space, and it's become a real priority for my family. My wife and I both work from home, raised our kid through Covid together, and we've had to get really good at this dance of togetherness and separateness.
What we talked about that I think is crucial: there's this thing my teacher called "space of no demand." That's what so many men are starving for. No expectations, no one needing anything from you, just being. And here's the thing, when you don't get that space, you get agitated. Your partner or your kid actually gets clingier. It becomes this whole cycle.
We also got into trust. When you can give your partner space, when you can take space yourself without gripping or guilt, that's trust in action. And trust is attractive. It creates polarity. When my wife's been gone for a couple days, there's actual charge when she comes back.
If you're feeling stuck around this in your relationship, or if you're the guy who can't ask for space without feeling selfish, I'd love to work with you on it. Check out my program at evolutionarymen.com or reach out directly. This capacity to both connect deeply and take real space, that's where a lot of the aliveness lives.
