Melanie Curtin and I got into one of those conversations that I wish I could have had with every guy who's ever asked me whether they should see a therapist or hire a coach. We covered the territory that so many men are curious about but rarely get straight answers on, and honestly, her insights completely shifted how I think about the relationship between these two approaches.
My short answer? Both matter. They're like cross training in the gym. You're working different muscles in different ways, but they're both incredibly important.
For me personally, therapy was about tending to old wounds from my past that were getting in the way of being present. I needed that secure attachment, that consistent relationship with someone who gave a shit and was deeply attuned to me in a way I never had growing up. That was restorative work, helping me become more okay with what is.
Coaching has been more forward focused. It's about outcomes and momentum. How do I get from here to there? Watch me do this thing and give me feedback. What did you see? What could I do better? There's usually something specific you're working on, whether that's relationships, business, your presence in the world. And there's an experiential component. You go out, run the experiment, come back with data, and we work with that.
We talked about how coaching can feel like the wild west sometimes, which is true. Anyone can call themselves a coach. But at its best, coaching is guidance from someone who's walked the path themselves, who's become a bit of a connoisseur in what they teach. I teach this work because I had to learn it painfully myself, and I want to make it easier for other men.
The other piece we got into was the power of groups in coaching. So many men have never experienced other men as allies instead of competition. That sunshine effect, where someone's win starts to charge you up, and you're all charging each other up. It's medicinal. You can share your highs and your lows, your wins and your failures, and it's all held lightly. We're all here to learn and get better together.
If you're feeling stuck and want to know what steps to take, that's where we come in. We give you the step by step. Walk onto this path and something's going to happen on the other end. Something does happen pretty much every time.
If you're interested in working with me around dating, relationships, or your masculine presence in the world, just go to evolutionarymen.apply. We're here to help.
