What if the very thing we think makes us "nice guys" is actually the thing that's robbing us of our power? I just had this incredible conversation with Melanie Curtin that completely reframed how I think about stepping into authentic masculine power. We dug deep into the nice guy patterns that keep us trapped, what real empowerment actually looks like in relationships and work, and why so many of us have it backwards when it comes to what power really means.
One thing that really landed for me during our talk was this idea that power isn't about dominating or always getting your way. It's really about the ability to stay connected to yourself, no matter what's happening around you. When I think back to my twenties, I was so disconnected from my body and my desires that I'd just cave to whatever anyone else wanted. I literally couldn't tell a magazine salesperson no. That level of people-pleasing was exhausting.
We talked about how getting into your body is the first step. Once you're actually connected to what you want and what you're feeling, you can start taking risks and moving towards it. But here's what surprised me, power also means being willing to ask for help. I shared this story about moving into our place years ago with my wife. I had this giant truck and could have tried to be the tough guy unloading it all myself. Instead, I reached out to my men's group. Guys showed up, and we knocked it out in 25 minutes. That's a different kind of power, being resourced enough in community to actually get what you need.
The other piece we explored was how telling the truth in relationships, even when it's tender, actually creates more intimacy and trust. When you know your partner is going to be straight with you about what they want or don't want, you can relax. You don't have to wonder or guess or manage their feelings.
If you're feeling stuck in passive patterns or struggling to advocate for yourself, whether that's at work or in your relationship, reach out. This is exactly the kind of work we do with men in our groups and coaching. Check out evolutionarymen.com to learn more.
