Why do so many men who are successful in every other area of their lives feel completely defeated by dating apps? I got to explore this question with Melanie on her show Dear Men, diving into one of those topics that comes up constantly with the guys I work with. The reality is, dating apps can be exhausting. I've seen men doing everything right and still feeling like they're banging their heads against a wall. But I've also seen guys have real success when they bring more consciousness to how they're showing up.
We covered a bunch of practical stuff. Getting quality photos matters way more than most men realize. It's not vanity, it's intentionality. It shows you're taking this seriously and you're willing to invest in yourself. When I looked at men's profiles years ago on Tinder, the bar was shockingly low. Blurry photos, bad lighting, no thought put into it. So just having decent photos already sets you apart.
The other big piece we talked about was creating a vision in your profile. Instead of just listing facts about yourself like a job resume, invite women into an experience. Give them something they can imagine being a yes to. That creates polarity and direction. It's seductive in the best sense.
We also got into moving things forward quickly. Don't let the endless texting go on for weeks. Suggest a FaceTime call early. Ten minutes is enough to know if there's something worth pursuing, and it saves everyone time. You want to get to rejection quickly, as my mentor Dr. Glover says. Find out when you're not a match sooner rather than later.
The last thing I'll say is this. Don't let the apps take over your life. Turn off notifications, go in once or twice a day, and keep it to about 20% of your energy. The rest needs to go into actually living your life, building community, following passions. That vitality transmits through everything you do.
If you're struggling with dating or how you're showing up in relationships, check out my work at evolutionarymen.com. I'd love to help you step into more clarity and power in this area.
