The pickup artist world promises connection but actually teaches men to avoid it entirely. That's the counterintuitive insight I explored with Melanie Curtin on her show Dear Men, diving deep into my own history with that scene and what it ultimately revealed about authentic relating. We unpacked how I first discovered the pickup community in my mid-20s in Boulder, the sense of brotherhood it provided, and why something about it never quite sat right with me.
We talked about the paradox at the heart of pickup. If you can't naturally attune to a woman, that's exactly why you'd need a system to run. Which means the people creating those systems probably aren't great at attunement either. I shared how I discovered authentic relating as the antidote to scripted routines, learning to share what's actually happening in my body in real time rather than running memorized lines.
The big shift for me came from realizing that when you're in true alignment with yourself, when you have access to your head, heart, and cock as we say, and all three energy centers are online and working together, you don't need pickup. You just get to be in the moment and actually connect. That's when you start magnetizing people who are also being authentic, which creates way deeper relationships.
We also dove into how most men are literally hunched over keyboards and phones all day, collapsing the very part of our bodies that allows us to feel ourselves and attune to others. Opening up that center channel through posture, breath, and embodiment work is crucial for presence.
If you're interested in going deeper into this kind of work, feeling more present and attuned in your relationships, check out what we're doing at evolutionarymen.com.
