I loved getting into this conversation with Melanie about the different patterns we see in men, particularly what I call the Basic Bro and the Nice Guy.
These aren't labels to box guys in. They're patterns I've seen over and over in my work, and honestly, patterns I've lived myself. The Basic Bro often has tons of drive and confidence, great at attracting women, but struggles with emotional intimacy and vulnerability. The Nice Guy has the opposite challenge. He's got heart, he's great at creating safety, but often struggles to access his power, set boundaries, or go after what he really wants.
What struck me in this conversation was talking about anger and how differently these two types relate to it. For the Basic Bro, anger is often the only emotion that's allowed. For the Nice Guy, it's buried deep. I shared my own journey with this. Growing up, I internalized this belief that anger was pointless, that it didn't change anything. Learning to reclaim healthy anger has been huge for me. It's connected to self-honoring, to dignity, to creating real safety in the world.
The work isn't about choosing one pattern over the other. It's about integration. It's about having the capacity to move into vulnerability when that's what's needed, and into power and protection when that's called for. It's about freedom, not constriction.
If you're recognizing yourself in either of these patterns and want to do this work with other men, check out what we're building at Evolutionary Men. We've got groups, retreats, and one on one coaching designed to help you access all of who you are.
