What happens to a man when the very foundation of his masculine identity is built on quicksand? I had a great conversation with Melanie Curtin on her podcast Dear Men about what happens when you don't have solid masculine role models growing up. This is something so many men deal with, and frankly, it's shaped a lot of my own journey.
We got into the different flavors of absent fathers. The passive dad who works constantly and just isn't present. The volatile dad whose anger makes you either replicate that rage or completely shut down your own power. And how these patterns show up later in life, particularly in that nice guy energy where we learn to turn toward the feminine for everything and end up softening or hiding parts of ourselves.
What really lit me up in this conversation was talking about transmission. Masculinity is a transmission. You don't learn it from books or podcasts alone. You learn it by being around men who embody something you haven't experienced yet. When you're in the presence of a man who can handle his emotions without collapsing or exploding, when you see someone step into tension with grounded presence, something unlocks in you. A new map becomes available.
We also talked about the power of feedback and challenge. The masculine grows through that. There's this deep craving in men to be around other men who won't let them get away with their bullshit, who see them clearly and call them deeper. Iron sharpens iron. And the incredible thing is this doesn't have to come from your biological father. One or two interventions from someone holding healthy masculine energy can completely change the trajectory of a man's life.
If you're hungry to experience this kind of transmission yourself, check out what we're doing at Evolutionary Men. Men's groups, retreats, programs where you can actually feel what it's like to be around men who are doing the work.
