All right, so I just had a great conversation on the Purple Passion Project podcast with the host. We covered a lot of ground around sex, shame, and why men's groups are so powerful for transformation.
One thing we dug into pretty deeply is this pattern I see constantly with the guys I work with. So many men were raised in a culture that taught them their sexuality is somehow bad or dangerous. Maybe it was religious messaging, maybe it was the fallout from Me Too, maybe it was just growing up watching porn as their primary sex education. Whatever the source, the result is the same: they end up so up in their heads during intimacy that they can barely be present with their partner. They're constantly asking permission, worrying about doing something wrong, terrified of making her uncomfortable. The impulse is good, right? They genuinely care. But the outcome is they end up being timid and withdrawn when what a lot of women actually want is a man who's comfortable enough in his own skin to just lead the experience sometimes.
We also talked about something that doesn't get enough attention: how safety and relaxation impact men's bodies too. Most guys know women need to feel safe to get turned on, but they don't realize the same is true for us. If you're walking around stressed, exhausted, holding tension in your body from work or life, that's going to show up in the bedroom. And here's the thing, it's rarely the ED itself that ends the evening. It's when we collapse in shame and disappear emotionally. That's the real turn off. When we can stay present, keep the connection alive, explore other ways to be intimate, that changes everything.
The shadow work piece we covered is huge too. A lot of men are spending enormous amounts of energy just containing emotions they don't know how to deal with. That locked up grief, anger, fear, it's literally draining your life force. And if you're not comfortable with those feelings in yourself, you won't be able to stay present when your partner feels them either. That's where men's groups become so powerful, doing this work with other men who get it.
If you're hungry for more of this kind of exploration, check out what I'm doing at evolutionarymen.com. I run groups, coaching, and events where we go deep on this stuff together. Good work out there, men.
