I recently sat down with Melanie Curtin for her show Dear Men, and we ended up diving deep into something I don't talk about enough publicly: how being an introvert has shaped my relationships, especially my marriage. As someone who's spent years figuring out how to honor my need for solitude while staying connected to the people I love, this conversation felt both vulnerable and necessary.
We talked about how I recharge. For me as an introvert, I can absolutely show up at parties or big events, but I need alone time afterward to regenerate. That looks different from extroverts who actually get their energy from being around people. I shared a turning point in my dating life when I gave myself permission to leave a loud bar because I just didn't want to be there. It was this moment of, oh wow, I've been trying to make myself different than I am. That shift opened up a lot for me.
With my wife Violet, one of the biggest things has been learning to name when I'm processing something, even if I'm not ready to talk about it yet. She's more likely to think out loud and process in relationship, whereas I'm grinding away internally until the answer kind of prints out. Just letting her know, hey, I'm working on this thing, I'm not sure yet, that little bridge goes a long way. We also talked about creating space for each partner to get what they need, whether that's solo time or social time, and then bringing that fullness back to the relationship.
The whole conversation was about how these dynamics deeply impact our relationships, but we don't always think to talk about them directly. If you're navigating this stuff with a partner or want to understand yourself better, check out my work at evolutionarymen.com.
