Here's the thing that's going to challenge everything you think you know about being creepy: the very fear of being creepy is often what makes men actually seem creepy in the first place. I discovered this counterintuitive truth during my conversation with Melanie Curtin on her podcast, where we explored how the internal war most men fight against their own desires creates exactly the kind of stuck energy that women pick up on as off-putting.
We talked about how a lot of us learned early on to be at war with our own sexual desire. Whether it was from religion, family conditioning, or just the broader cultural soup we're swimming in post-Me Too, there's this internalized shame that makes guys feel like something's fundamentally wrong with them for even noticing attraction. And here's the thing, when we're in that internal conflict, when part of us wants to look but another part is screaming "don't you dare," that tension has nowhere to go. It gets stuck. And that stuckness is often what reads as creepy.
I shared some of my own journey with this, from noticing how different it was watching men in Italy just openly appreciate women, to my first time in a strip club where I had permission to actually look and feel that desire without shame. Those experiences stretched something in my nervous system, let me realize that the energy itself isn't bad or good, it's just natural. What matters is how we hold it.
The breakthrough comes when we can reclaim our sexuality with breath, with awareness, with presence. Not the shifty-eyed peek-and-look-away pattern, and not the totally checked-out objectification either. But actually being present with our desire while also being attuned to the full human being we're appreciating. That's when it stops being creepy and becomes an energetic exchange that both people can feel good about.
If you're a guy who's navigated this territory or felt that internal war around your own desire, I'd love to hear from you. Drop me a line at evolutionarymen.com or check out my programs if you want some support reclaiming this part of yourself in a healthy way.
