When I think about the men in our community, I know there's a conversation we need to have that rarely gets the honest attention it deserves. That's exactly why I wanted to share my appearance on Melanie Curtin's podcast *Dear Men*, where I opened up about something I carried deep shame around for years: being a virgin until 26. This isn't just my story, it's a reality for more men than we talk about, and the silence around it creates unnecessary suffering. I'd avoided those late-night conversations that turned to sex talk, hanging on the sidelines because I just didn't want to go there, but I've come to understand that this avoidance was robbing me of something crucial.
What I've learned since then, both through my own journey and working with so many men who carry similar anxiety, is that it's not actually about the quantity of experience. I've met plenty of guys who've had lots of partners and are terrible lovers because they're not present, not connected to themselves or their partner. What actually matters is being relaxed in your body, trusting yourself, and being able to feel when the moment is right. The gripping, the anxiety, the shame I held around it was the real issue, not the lack of technical experience.
One of the turning points for me was somatic therapy, literally re-patterning my nervous system to be more comfortable with touch and presence. And later, learning to just name what was true in the moment. I remember being on a date with a woman who was older than me, feeling intimidated, and just saying it out loud: "Hey, I feel really intimidated right now because you're older and seem way more experienced than me." That vulnerability, that realness, that actually turned her on more than any amount of smoothness or "experience" could have.
If you're carrying shame around sexual inexperience, whatever your age, know that you're not alone. The path forward isn't about faking confidence or pretending you know it all. It's about doing the work to get more grounded in your body, learning to trust yourself, and being willing to share your truth. That's what women actually respond to.
If this resonates and you want support around dating, relationships, or just becoming more present in your masculine body, reach out. I offer free calls to see if we're a good fit to work together.
