I just wrapped up a great conversation with Melanie Curtin on her show Dear Men, digging into this question that comes up all the time: Is it easier for men or women to get into a relationship?
The short answer? It depends. On who, when, where, and what stage of life you're at. But we went way deeper than that.
We talked about the asymmetry of power in dating, how it shifts depending on context. At a bar, women might seem to hold all the cards. In conscious communities? Women are constantly asking, "Where are all the conscious men?" We explored how attachment patterns and nervous system wiring shape who we're attracted to, often pulling us toward partners who recreate familiar distances from childhood. I shared my own pattern of chasing emotionally unavailable women, how that was rooted in my early experiences, and what shifted when I started doing the work.
Melanie and I also got into the perception versus reality of who has to do more work. A lot of men feel like they have to prove themselves, build skills, and show up in ways that feel effortful. Meanwhile, women are doing their own deep work to attract and keep the kind of partner they want. The truth is, creating a conscious relationship takes vulnerability and responsibility from both sides. Neither partner controls it. You're building something together.
If you want help taking responsibility for your side of the court and creating the kind of relationship you actually want, check out my work at evolutionarymen.com.
