Here's the paradox that traps so many conscious couples: the very personal growth work that makes you a better human being can quietly kill the erotic charge in your relationship. I got to explore this with Melanie Curtin and my wife Violet on the Dear Men podcast, diving into one of my favorite topics because I see it constantly in my work. Men who've done years of therapy, learned to feel their emotions, and cultivated their inner lives, yet they can't figure out why the passion disappeared with their equally evolved partners.
We walked through the three stages of relationship. Stage one is survival-based, contract marriages. Stage two is where most couples get stuck. It's all about equality and fairness, which is important developmental work. But here's what happens: men cultivate their feeling bodies and emotional sides, women step into their power in the world. Both good things. The problem? The polarity reverses. She's in her masculine all day crushing it at work, he's learned to process his feelings endlessly. Then they come home and wonder why there's no sexual charge.
Stage three is where it gets interesting. That's when you practice these energies consciously as a gift to each other. My masculine becomes devoted to bringing depth and presence. Violet's feminine brings beauty and energy. It's not about roles or going backwards. It's about embodied practice that actually puts delight in each other's bodies.
The key for men is getting resourced enough that you're not afraid of your own power or her emotions. That usually means working with other men first, where those wounds aren't getting activated the same way they do with partners. Learn to be comfortable with discomfort. Practice being directive, not waiting for permission for everything.
If you want help with this work, check out what we're doing at Evolutionary Men Training. We go deep on embodiment practices that help you show up fully in relationship.
