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I had a contact with a painful past this week where I met people who I had, in a prior life and with my younger self, thought of as friends. However, it was revealed to me that they doubted me behind my back and decided I was a lost cause not worth helping.

It hurt to know that despite the sense of safety they gave me at a difficult time in my youth, they secretly looked down on me and actually did not help me the way I needed at the time. Several expressed that they had given up on me.

I thought on this with my now older self and realized, “why would I ever treat my younger self the way you treated me? Sure, I would tell him he needed to get his stuff together and that he needed to get out of his state. But I did not…

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Tuesday 5am AZT, 12/19/23 – Starting My Course – Week 1 of 10 – Day 1 of 7 (Elapsed from Start 11/20/23, Week 5 of 16)

Bottom Line Up Front:
This week I am giving up:

1. Fantasy over Realization (Fantasy Intimacy) – Masturbation/Viewing Porn
2. Disengaging/Forcing Control/Capability over Engaging Focused & Steady (Do’oni Do’oni) Work – Giving Up/Disconnecting, Engaging In Digital Distractions (Devices, Surfing), forcing competence and control in response.

And replacing it with:

1. Realization over Fantasy (True Real-World Intimacy) – Checking in with friends, family, and people with whom I feel mutual and safe intimacy. Sending them a message of thanks, love and exchange in something that gave me pleasure/happiness (no matter how small)…

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My cock parade impromptu:

My cock is love

My cock is here.

My cock is now.

Ready to bear.

Bear life well.

Bear being well.

Bear presence well.

Always standing.

Standing for me.

Standing for you.

Standing for us.

So we are together.