If you’re a man wanting to step up in dating, an existing relationship, your career, or in having a bigger impact on the world, there are two essential traits it is essential to cultivate. Bringing these fully online is the path of the evolutionary man; those of us no longer content with the outdated rules and norms of “manhood” and masculinity.
This new evolved masculinity can be boiled down to what I call the two “D’s”.
The first trait is DIRECTION. This is a huge one, and of crucial importance to becoming unstoppable in life. You must spend time to figure out WHERE YOUR LIFE IS GOING. Figuring this out has such power for us men, and generates a momentum around which all kinds of decisions in our lives begin to flow.
This doesn’t mean you have to “know your purpose” exactly, as so many men believe it does. Instead, it means you have to have a sense of which direction you’re headed. What are you moving towards? What is your vision for your life, even if you don’t exactly know how to get there?
Figuring this out is on of the KEY first steps to shifting the paradigm so life isn’t just “happening” to you in a passive way, but instead YOU are happening to LIFE. Tapping into this sense of direction in your life requires going inward to get more connected to YOURSELF. Knowing what you want and where you’re going takes genuine introspection, something some guys NEVER spend the time to do. It takes commitment, and a willingness to go inside and be with oneself without succumbing to distractions. As men, we’ll do a LOT to circumvent being still with ourselves, as it can often bring up a ton of emotions and feeling that aren’t always pleasant. This means making time to DO nothing, and be with yourself without the distraction we so often use to discharge feelings or discomfort. Phones, relationships, substances, there’s a whole range of ways we’ll resist being still with our experience as men.
Almost inevitably, however, when we sit still with ourselves long enough, and without distraction, clarity will emerge. Regrets, fear, grief, uncertainty, and more may all come up in waves, but when we don’t resist them and just be with them they will transmute into something new: clarity about who we are and where we’re going.
Having a sense of direction in your life will change how women and men alike experience you in the world. Women will find it attractive to be around, and men will trust you more and want to HELP YOU enact your vision.
The second trait to cultivate to become an unstoppable man is DEPTH. I often use this world interchangeably with PRESENCE in the coaching I do with men.
Depth comes from our ability to stay connected on a moment to moment basis. It’s being aware of the sensations in our bodies, the emotions in our hearts, and the thoughts in our heads. It’s being able to notice ALL of these aspects of ourselves without becoming fused to any of them, which makes our consciousness “larger” then what’s happening in the moment. Conveniently, we can begin to cultivate this type of depth of presence turning inward into stillness in the same way that leads to direction.
Mindfulness practice, yoga, and breath work are all amazing ways to practice staying in touch with this depth no matter what’s happening in the moment.
Men with depth move through the world differently, less reactive to the triggers that knock most men off balance. Their presence brings a vitality to what’s happening in the here and NOW for all around them. Deepening this way as a man requires emotional fearlessness that takes real “practice” over time. Spending time with other men of depth is one of the quickest ways for us to receive and experience this depth as a transmission.
When depth of feeling in the moment is combined with a sense of direction in life, a real alchemy happens that makes us unstoppable as men. We become a “force” in the world, generating a gravitational field that lights up those around us.
If you want to spend time with other men in person and practice emotional fearlessness, grab a spot in my next Shadow Breakthrough Weekend for Men here in Los Angeles.